Life of Buck

Monday, May 11, 2009

::quoth anna:: at 6:26 PM

Monday, May 19, 2008

i haven't posted in so long that i doubt anyone's going to check this for a post. perhaps whoever stumbles upon this rant will find it another 6 months from now.

wherever i look in my life i feel as though i find doubts and failures on who i am.

(side note: why is everyone walking around this school in baker hats with ducks on them?)

there's just so many things i can never perfect, i can never get them right.
i'll never be able to dance perfectly enough on command so that i can impress those who are judging me. and its like yea, i know i should "do it for myself" but what can that accomplish in the rest of this world? maybe its pointless. i don't know.

relationships are just another thing that seem to go over my head. i seem to screw up friendships without any intention of doing so. somehow i manage to push people away without saying anything. and the people that i somehow manage to impress probably see some fake aspect of me that i want them to believe exists. am i really so cute and quirky and giggly as i let on? i feel like the answer is not so much. i'm more instinctively negative and if it was always my responsibility to make conversations, they would probably consist of deep materials. so many people just want to laugh and have fun though, and yea i want that too but it just doesn't come naturally. and i hate faking like it comes naturally to me. i hate faking. i hate faking who i am to imress people but that seems like it hasn't even worked because its like, whatever random person i do end up admiring with my affection never seems to return it. and then i'm just stupid and i end up liking the same person for months when they don't see the relationship like that at all.

whatever whatever whatever.

i should be spiritually well but it feels like i haven't learned a drop of information from this past weekend or i just haven't accepted or applyed it.
sometimes i hate being "mature" becase i always make the responsible decision and know how to deal with situations wisely because of everyone else's mistakes and i can't make my own cause i know that everyone would be dissapointed. but shouldn't it just be natural for me to learn and be carefree on my own? or have i just missed the whole point. i don't know. its not like i'm actually ever going to do something unpredictable cause apparently i'm predictable. that word makes me cringe though, because i can envision those stupid teen magazines that i rarely read but still engrained some of their information into my head, declaring that guys want a cute flirty athletic fun funny adventerous girl. somehow i just don't feel like half of those adjectives describe me...

whatever whatever whatever.
ok i'm done with this girly rant, and i'm sure in like a week i'll be over it-well not over some things but i'll just block these thoughts out of my mind until they start popping up again and i'll have to deal with them then.

::quoth anna:: at 2:46 PM

Monday, July 30, 2007

wow, it's been way too long since i last posted. since i was in school. ick..school. summer is going by way too fast. tomorrow is august and august is the month that goes the fastest in the summer! dang i'm screwed.

well here's some lyrics that describe how i'm feeling about somebody. don't worry, it's nobody who reads this.

cope-a-lope

Quiet now, your voice seems miles away
Yet somehow, I hear your song resound
A little bit softer each day
And from my tired heart, a little bit farther away

I’ll sing along
The whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do

You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that flow
You have my attention
Like a shout through an empty sanctuary
Speak but a whisper

I’ll hear a sermon
I’ll sing along, the whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do
I’ll sing along, the whole night through
While you sleep safely
I’ll be thinking about you

You have my attention

::quoth anna:: at 4:14 PM

Friday, May 18, 2007

I haven't posted anything here for a while. Yikes, I guess life is just busy and I have a facebook now so I prefer to go on that when I use the internet.

Is life good? It's hard question to answer with a hard answer I suppose. I feel like I've lost a lot of my friends but i guess it's just me and not reality. especially now with finals and all and everyone planning for college and graduations and changes it's easy to lose contact. but i don't remember it being like this last year. maybe because some are graduating now that weren't last year. ugh. growing up is so weird. i feel like i've been the same person in this skin since i was in kindergarden. just watching the world change around me and changing with it. i can't resist it no matter how hard i try, but i wish things could stay the same and i wish i didn't have to make life changing choices at this age.

i like school though. i like dance, and things are more fun. i kind of feel like a slacker because i have all this homework building up that i haven't been doing and it's going to suck when finals and stuff are due in a couple of weeks. there's a lot of finals. including a song i have to sing in spanish, ick. ok let's get through this. i'm excited for summer and time, but i'll miss dance and school friends that i never seem to communicate with during the summer. isn't that funny that it's so terribly hard to get together with someone from school, even though you have way more time to do it. people go on vacations and stuff i guess.

so yea there's my input, output or whatever.
on another note i think house is my new favorite show, because it's just that wonderful.

"everything was beautiful and nothing hurt"

::quoth anna:: at 10:32 AM

Friday, April 06, 2007

It's a quiet Friday morning and the last weekday of spring break. Which, makes me very sad because it's almost over and it's gone much too quickly. In a way I'm excited to go back to school, do the whole daily routine thing again, do dance, see my dance track, and other wonderful people that go to spcpa. I don't think I'll ever be excited to do homework and do geometry and spanish. Yuck... Sitting through history class, very boring.

Right now I'm waiting for the lunch hour so I can heat up matzo ball soup, and I'm listening to some of the sermon's I haven't heard at woodland hills. Our new youth pastor Seth has a really calming voice that makes you feel like your very smart when you're listening to it. It's a sort of, profound voice. Very similar to Rob Bell, and the nooma videos we watch. I love those movies so much. They really make you think of the vast concepts of the L-rd.

I really wish I spent more of my daily life reflecting on G-d and His beauty and splendor, but then life just distracts you, or you allow it to distract you. Honestly, I could spend and make so much of my time with Him, but I deceive myself into thinking that I'm busy and I don't have those minutes to spare. What do I do instead? Sit around, go on the computer, dawdle, think about all the homework I have to do, oh that's a big one. Instead of just doing it, I think about it and somehow I figure that because I'm thinking about doing it, I'm making progress? Tcha, yea right.

Anyways just a few thoughts to mention. I leave you with some pictures, and Joakim Noah, one of the players for the NCAA winner of 2006 and 2007, Florida. Yay. Maybe Duke will win next year though?

at an amazing Japanese restaurant

i like food

raw tuna is gross, raw salmon is better

pointe=love

ruther cold

bella-rina

i love flowers...

..even when you have to go to the zoo to see them

(jim-bob noah)

::quoth anna:: at 11:36 AM

Friday, March 09, 2007

So today I'm feeling a picture post. Today and yesterday were amazing and so I took a bunch of pictures, here's some of them.

This is a half eaten hippo.

The Gorgeous landmark

Mailboxes :)

Snowy Stairs

Sharing the Snow Together

A couple weeks ago me manda and todd having "crack breath" (joke)

yes i love dance, so now I don't know what I'm going to do for next school year? PSEO or not? I'm bad at making decisions. Carrie and i went to caribou today and I took 5 minutes just to decide what I wanted. Hmm oh well.
I think I'll go clean.

::quoth anna:: at 5:52 PM

Saturday, March 03, 2007

You're the reason that I breathe, You're the reason that I move, You're reason that I'm here, singing to You.

I love IHOP
and i didn't realize how much I missed it until after watching this--

it's from the one thing conference I went to at the end of December. It's AMAZING, and so is Jesus.

my soul long for You, my soul longs for You, nothing else will do, nothing else will do...

You'll come like the rain.

::quoth anna:: at 1:12 PM