Life of Buck

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

that song is really addicting and pretty...

yay me and manda went to the mall today to look at stuff for friday. the mall is very tiresome adn gets boring and i do not know why people hang out there a lot. unless you have money of course, then i'm sure it's fun. Didn't really see anything that caught my eye. Except that funky flying saucer!! That was neat..

Ok....I'm so not going in to the recent factor I found out.

Boring last couple of days. In art class i finished the clay bowl so it can be fired hopefully soon along with the thing. *crosses fingers and prays* I started doing something other then clay for once! My teacher got me a block of wood and I oil paninted on it. I did a very nice thing I think with lots of nice colors such as black, red, blue, white and a lot of other stuff. it looks like a blue sun with grey clouds and like a red fire on top or something. It's interesting. Oil paints are fun and i lvoe the smell of the paint thinner. terpentine. It's very nice adn artsy. I have oil paints on my arm since you can't wash them off with water but terepentine. I like it though. It's a sign or artisit creativeness. It can be left on there for the Christmas Banquet for all I care.

Speaking of which Indigo says she may have a dress for me to wear to such. If it's very lovely I may have to pass Nicollet's pretty greyish silver dress..But who knows.

I kinda want to slightly curl my hair for the occasion. Not sure. Just curling the bottom of it. I like how it's long, it can cover my face if I'm crying.

It is very hard not to cry these last couple of days with family bringing me down with harsh comments and teasing. And people wonder why I have low self asteem...

OK, guess what Josh said!!!!!!!!?????????

Today in the kitchen around lunch time...

Me being sarcastic- "Yea, Josh I'm calling my boyfriend."
Josh being weirdly funny- "I better not find out you have one otherwise I'll find out where he lives and cut his thing off."
*Me choking and sputtering on water*

How WRONG.

Ok, that's how protective my brothers are. And they watch me talking to people and say their buddy names out loud and and are like,

"Lostboys96, Who's that? A guy?! You're BOYFRIEND!!??"
no it's indigo...

"My love!? Daaaaaaaaad Anna has a boyfriend!"
haha in my dreams...

"You're talking to A GUY online?? You're in so much trouble!"
gosh it's just todd...

And the sucky part of it all is, this gets impounded in my parents brain and they get uneasy when i go to hang outw ith boys. As if I go off to make out with them or have some secret relationship.

Gosh, I'm not even like that. I can't have that. I'm too....I don't know. But I wouldn't go behind everyone's back and have some secret relationship. Not when I'm older at least...

Haha..joke...kinda...ok nvm..

My rambling on complainingness for the day...

::quoth anna:: at 10:15 PM

Sunday, November 28, 2004

OK, I'm FREAKED out, really badly. Everything splendidly (QA) happened today. I woke up at the house Steph labors in watching a cat. A nice drive in the sun awaited us as we drove to my house and then church. Church extrememly happy, and of course the taco house. Sarah invited me over to have strawberry rhub pie, (which satisfied my taste buds tremendously) and my mom so incredibly nice to let me go! Snaps to her for rocking!

At Sarah's we talked on her bed while candles lively burned in the background, filling the air with their scent which in result made me naucious, heh...I all of a sudden felt really light headed, and felt like I could of passed out or something. Anyways, we also got boards from her garage and started painting them with acrylics! I got about half of mine done but she finished hers basically. Britnee came over a bit and watched us while we sang to Linkin Park.

We drove off in to the night picking up a hitchhiker we later named manda. Arriving at covenanant groups we took the bearings of being pushed aside in to their basement instead of our normal spot in the living room. (They were setting up way too many Christmas decorations. I wonder if they forget what it's really about sometimes...)

Indigo my lovely looking whap of hair sat on a wooden chair greeting me with a hello. She also questioned if I felt ok. I did, but I didn't in a weird way. Don't know why. I sort of suffered from a headache and still do and a bit of tum trouble. Nicollet the awestriking princess arrived with a beautiful gown for me to try on. I proceeded to go to the bathroom they placed conviently near by and tried on the dress. (But first discovering santa on the toilet..O.o) It fit me nicely, could be a little teeny bit more tighter, just so it doesn't accidentally show anything. Oh that would suck... But I did so admire it. It isn't black or red like I thought I might get for such a banquet, but a lovely greyish silver color, like a cloudy over cast day, before the rain falls. It's a bit sparkly and has some really light greyish roses on it. It's nice. The zipper decided to be mean and not work, but Pat took it with her in hopes to fix.

The future looked bright. Almost like I peacefully strolled in to a beutiful sunset, and when I got far enough, I would see the end, my eyes stunned with glorious beauty of silvers, yellows, reds and oranges. Pinks and light purples, melting all together. But I turned the wrong way and ended up looking at a black tree with thorns growing out of it. With little tempting red lights hanging from it.

Here is what happened.

My parents picked me up and begged me to go to their church with them so I could meet the guy that baptized me because he wanted to see me. I though ok, it'll take a minute and i'll be fine, I'm tough. But this weird prophecy guy was there praying for people and asked us to come up!!!!!!!!

since I don't feel like telling the whole thing over again, i'll post my conversation with manda. (sorry for the typos and confusion, i was really hurried and freaked out!)

evrynothing: so my parents froced me to go to their church so i could meet the guy who baptised me
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
evrynothing: in out it was suppose to be a quick thing
sPaZ4jEsUs15: 2nite
evrynothing: yes
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
evrynothing: there was this guy praying and prophesising for/ people's lives
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
sPaZ4jEsUs15: (weird)
evrynothing: and he could me and my parents up and startred like praying for my mom and ask her creepy questions!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: like..
evrynothing: like, do you speak another language very slightly a bit?
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
evrynothing: she's like ummm no...
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
evrynothing: and he was telling her stuff liek he thought she would evangelise to cultrual b\people who whatever
evrynothing: ehtnic
evrynothing: *ethnic, that's what i mena
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
sPaZ4jEsUs15: odd...
evrynothing: then he started doing it to me!!!!!!!!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: did this dude think he was JEsus
sPaZ4jEsUs15: uh oh
sPaZ4jEsUs15: *worries*
evrynothing: i was freaking out inside, i didn't want him to start being like, yea, you're depressed aren't you???
sPaZ4jEsUs15: heh
evrynothing: right in front of my parents, that would've sucked
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wouldnt b good
sPaZ4jEsUs15: yeah
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wutd he say
evrynothing: so then he started telling me i was picky and creative in art stuff and organized
sPaZ4jEsUs15: mmhmm
evrynothing: that'd i'd get an award later on for being organized or something like that
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
sPaZ4jEsUs15: *weirded out*
sPaZ4jEsUs15: this guy sounds creepy
evrynothing: then he asked me if there was anyone i had trouble forgiving
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok..
evrynothing: and i was like no...i'm pretty good at forgiving
sPaZ4jEsUs15: mmhmm
evrynothing: and then he asked me if any of my friends that were girls went behind my back and gossiped about me and i found oiut??????
sPaZ4jEsUs15: weird
evrynothing: and i said not that i know...and he's all like, uh oh i think i prophesised the furture, you're going to have that happen to you and it's going to be hard to forgive
sPaZ4jEsUs15: *blinks*
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wut a mental case!
evrynothing: ahdushdah!
evrynothing: and then
evrynothing: he said he saw me traveling and going overseas, and that i was a very deep person
sPaZ4jEsUs15: uh...
evrynothing: and that i had some weird problem with forgiving God (???!!!) because my mom had cancer
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wow anna this is weird... he needs some help
evrynothing: and i ask God why??
sPaZ4jEsUs15: o
sPaZ4jEsUs15: uh
sPaZ4jEsUs15: this guy sounds like he likes 2 pry into peoples lives
evrynothing: and that he thought i needed to go more deep in to worship
sPaZ4jEsUs15: and make it sound like he knows wut hes talking about
sPaZ4jEsUs15: dont we all?
evrynothing: yea
evrynothing: and he asked me if i lifted my hands
sPaZ4jEsUs15: and dude... doenst every1 have people talk about the behind thier backs?
evrynothing: and i'm like uh no..
sPaZ4jEsUs15: thats personal!
evrynothing: i know..
sPaZ4jEsUs15: omw hes making me mad!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: if i were there
evrynothing: and he's like ah i think you have heavy hands
sPaZ4jEsUs15: id ov ran off w/ u
sPaZ4jEsUs15: away from the creepy man
sPaZ4jEsUs15: uh
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ok
evrynothing: i was scared out of my mind
evrynothing: and then
sPaZ4jEsUs15: yeah
sPaZ4jEsUs15: whyd ur rents let him do this?!
evrynothing: he's like, do you have a sibling that teases you a lot and makes fun of you, and their hard to forgive?
evrynothing: i don't know!!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: heh
evrynothing: and i'm like, uhhh they all do..
sPaZ4jEsUs15: *sighs*
evrynothing: and in after he asked me a question or something he's like, you're kinda making me nervous haha...
evrynothing: oh it was horrid
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wait
evrynothing: and random people were laying hands on me
sPaZ4jEsUs15: u said he was making u nervous
evrynothing: no
sPaZ4jEsUs15: dude this sounds like some sort of cult!
evrynothing: he said i was making him nervous
sPaZ4jEsUs15: weird
evrynothing: yea!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wut a mental person
evrynothing: and he asked me if i won an award or trophy for anything from my art
evrynothing: and i was um..well...um..well no
evrynothing: and he's like, no what
evrynothing: and i'm like, well i uh once won a trophy for those car racing building things?
sPaZ4jEsUs15: mmhmm
evrynothing: and he's like see, that's art!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: um
sPaZ4jEsUs15: like u didnt kno
sPaZ4jEsUs15: ?
evrynothing: i don't know
evrynothing: he was getting weird random stuff in like a second and asking me in like a second!
evrynothing: it was creeping me out
sPaZ4jEsUs15: was he like asking God about stuff
sPaZ4jEsUs15: or just guessing
sPaZ4jEsUs15: or uh.. "knowing" i.. mean..
sPaZ4jEsUs15: :-evrynothing: then he asked my dad if he was writing a book....and my dad did just finish writing a book, and the guy had no clue
evrynothing: it was really creepy!!!
sPaZ4jEsUs15: seriously dude... thats messed u
sPaZ4jEsUs15: up*
evrynothing: i suppose asking God
sPaZ4jEsUs15: why were ur rents ok w/ it
evrynothing: i don't know??
sPaZ4jEsUs15: wutd they say after the fact
evrynothing: it's not like when people are sourrounding you with their hands you can just run away..

AHHHHHHHHHH, it was so horrible!! pish pish pish...i really really need a friend to like sit by really closely so i feel safe. i feel unsafe now!!

Anyways, must dwell on better thoughts...

Ooooo Awwww, Steph Lange rocks!!! Yay, so I spoke with her on fryday night on aim out of boredom and lonelyness and she offered to have me do stuff with her on Saturday. Fun stuff! So Saturday morning I woke up, took a shower, ate some bread, and before ya know it she arrived! We drove to the post office and then the bank. We then made our way to Target where she tried returning pants to get a smaller size, but alas, it did not work. We got beef jerky instead hehe...

Then she surprized me fantabulously by taking me to Olive Garden! She had chicken alfreddo fettucinne pizza and i chicken scampi. i had some of her pizza, and she had some of my angel hair stuff! it was delecious.

Haha...
Steph: I shall eat this piece of lettuce to counter react to my pizza!

She is sick and should not be eating sugar, dairy or bread products. All of which we seemed to consume that day..

We went to maplewood mall and has a lovely time trying on bunny gloves and buying some, asking yoda questions, and NOT going to hot topic. :) We also interigated Katie and got coffee.

We then went to another Target where she filled in a funky application and got the correct size of pants.

Rawr, we went to "her" fun happy house where the kitty was and froliced round for an hour on the net.

We then, in short, went to the play Annie, which was a bit creepy...O.o...umm yea...

returning back to the pod, we ate ramen and posted on the LPC forums way too much hehehe...

and then i went to sleep in a very warm and cozy bed which was set in a room that had glass opeening doors. Lovely.

Twas very lovely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So things i should get done this week...

1. Maybe buy shoes and jewelry and stuff for gown. (Hopefully w/ manda my love)
2. Do ALL of my homework
3. Finish THE PROJECT for xyz. hopefully it got fired...
4. Make ...cards...
5. fly to indigo on wednesday and examine her lovely suggestions just because we love doing such.
6. Get over that weird guy's prophetness
7. study for hebrew!!!!!
8. help set up for christmas banquet
9. go to prayer meeting hopefully
10. Yea, definately make cards!!!!!!!

Goodnight, pray for my mental well being...

::quoth anna:: at 9:57 PM

Friday, November 26, 2004

ok, so manda was oline an hour ago or so a\taking quizzes and inspired me to just take a bunch of quizzes for my boredom.

this is a weird twisted feeling friday, seriously. isaiah is gone at the mall (!?) ezra downstairs, nate doing something down the block, mom sleeping, and i'm left here with nothing else to do and nowhere to go.

anyways here is what i got on this quiz i took, and i think it describes me almost perfectly.

i cut out the stupid anime pic though cause i hate anime with a passion. it all looks the same! dude, where's the creativity in that?

I:

Your Beauty lies
in Sadness. Lonely, depressed and feeling broken.
For whatever reason, you see
this world only for the bad that it holds carrying
the burdens of yourself and
others. Some people like to be with you and your
unique vantage point when they
are down, you are someone who can sympathize with
them. But you find yourself
alone again when they seem to find a solution and
are happy again, yet you still
are stuck in this rut. Do not worry, you will make
it out at some time. Everyone
does, if you try. When you are seen all others want
to do is make your pain go
away, but that is something only you can do. You
probably keep to yourself a lot
and don't like to let people in, afraid to be hurt
again. You feel empty and
helpless and your looks reflect that, often seen
with tears in your eyes.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Dark, Earth Animal: Robin Color:
Grays, Blacks, Dark
Colors Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence
Expression:
Tearful Frown

Gemstone:
Aquamarine Mythological Creature: Spirit,
Gargoyle Sign:
Aries Planet: Mercury Hair Color:
Blue-Black Eye Color:
Gray

Quote:
"Am I too lost to be saved?"

especially the part where i'm sad and people can come to me in their sadness, but somehow they find a cure for theirs and leave me behind.

pish....

by the by, i got a new blog. i'm still going to post in this one but my new one is unreleased to the public and has my person feelings and stuff. i can express more openness in it. but i shall still post a lot in here.

::quoth anna:: at 6:56 PM

Thursday, November 25, 2004

like my title? fun color..

thanksgiving turned out better then i expected. i thought it'd be another one of those times where i eat and everyone goes and watches sports and ignores me. but hey, wadda ya know, it didn't happen that way.

this time we ate and sim announced that we should all play trivial pursuit on his ps2. i'm thinking, "oh, great, i'll be out in the first round.." because we were playing a double elmination round. but anyways, it's a really fun game and i did really well. i won! yea... weird. i beat my brothers and my dad and michelle.

heh so we had to choose player names for the game and i didn't want to use my name, because how boring is that. so i though, "ooo, i'll put waffel!" and i did. after i entered that josh looked at me and said, "you spelled it wrong." i nodded and told him it was kind of an inside joke. he thought for a moment and replied, "oh, yea, is that your boyfriend's name." he and my mom burst out laughing like it appeared to be the most observe thought ever. made me sorta of, sullen. but i guess it is, because of course i do not have one and shall never hope to.

moving on.

i smiled when i beat sim for the first time. he looked very confused. isaiah just pipped in and said, "don't mess with the waffel!" sim rolled his eyes and said, "oh gosh..."

hm so i beat them. it turned out to be like a four hour long tournament. we left his house worn out, our brains hurting, from all the information that left it and came.

it percieved to be a swell time.

anyways, back to reality. i feel like nothing. worth it and nothing appeals to me. i wonder if i shall help britnee clean the barn tomorrow with others..would be fun. but i don't know if anyone will remember to think about asking me again. it hardly happens anyways lately. i'm really easy to forget. rather quiet and such i just kinda slip passed your memory. this is how i feel..

evrynothing: well
person: well what?
evrynothing: have you ever layed on your bed in the dark with just the quiet you hear
person: yes
evrynothing: how do you feel then
person: calm and at peace
evrynothing: ok, well that's kind of how i feel, i feel calm, but not at peace
evrynothing: like, whatever, do what you want

and then i go off in to a state of being, that i have felt so many times before. i can't escape. it's haunting me terribly alot.

but i don't care. i'll just fall asleep like i always do. and when i wake up. this will be a problem that's over, cause time has moved forward. and since i never existed in such things, no one really seems to think it matters anymore. i'll just be here, waiting for sunday. for that is the next time i know of where i am leaving my house.

let's go loose our minds on the internet. goos idea anna....

::quoth anna:: at 10:17 PM

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

"when we're together i feel perfect, when i'm pulled away from you, i fall apart..."

my finger randomly started bleeding in science today while we were taking a test. and i was late too isn't that great? i walked in while everyone was taking a test. great...

theer's this one kid in my science and writing class and he really reminds me of some kid on the brady bunch, even though i've never seen that show.

youthgroup was good tonight. i so thought it would suck and not people would be there cause of thanksgiving tomorrow, but lo and behold, all the people (except my deer deer indigo) were there that i needed to keep on living. especially *sigh sigh SIGH!!!!!!!!!* a few i could mention...

hehe so i sent "the card" off today in the milbox across the street. i added some random stickers and stuff to it. everyone knows what i really wanted to say, but did not.

oh haha the leones were leaving so i'm all like, "Oh oh Ben!" and he looked at me and i started waving furiously at him in his face. He was all, umm...oh bye! and waved back. but i'm like noooo, you're suppose to be like my cat and cock your head! lol so he did when i waved at him again and manda started waving at him like in the sims....LOL...so funny...

yea so when i go to hs service tonight amanda grabbed me and started running down the hall and wouldn't stop. so i was running down the halls of WHC at 6:40 tonight...reasons why are closed at this moment

yea, don't let an impatient brother put in a ignighter in the stove..good idea..

black nail polish

::quoth anna:: at 10:19 PM

Monday, November 22, 2004

SG, I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why must the world be so cruel to us and split us apart?

I shall always be there for you even if you cannot get a hold of me on the phone. Know, that if I did hear your desperate despairing cries, I would run to catch you! I never would just sit there and be like whatever if you were sullen. I would try to wipe away your tears and at least make you smile. I know you can get your life back together. I know, if you just concentrate love, you can surely get better grades. You can overcome these problems. If you need help, I shall be there to lean on.

I would've sat and watched you sleep in the dark, listening to your breathing. But you did wake up. And when you woke up I wanted to sit next to you and stroke your soft cheek. But I was afraid you would be confused.

When I am not near to you, I miss you. You have stolen a part of my heart that I think I shall never see again. I am not fully relaxed unless I know how you are. I cannot go too long without knowing you're ok.

Don't depair love, it makes me sad. And I cry for you. And it ends up in a poem.

i'm missing you often. you're golden hair is so lovely as I've told you. you have a lovely voice and i love listening to it. i shall always be here if you want to talk.

i miss you...

"They'll never see, I'll never be, I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger burning deep inside of me."-evanescence

-anna

(p.s. and yes dear, you're birthday is the same as amy's, i'm so jealous. :) )

::quoth anna:: at 10:30 PM

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Don't even start talking about it when I'm around, or I shall go home and cry.

So bitter right now. So bitter.

Why must life be so mean and cruel. Why must humans only care about themselves when at the time you think they care about you too. But no, of course not, you were only dreaming.

Have a lot of homework to get done. I planned a random week schedule for myself. Here it is..

Monday-
Wake up at 8am
Lull about until 9
DO HOMEWORK
1...(haha maybe) eat or something, go on the net
3-call shanna or something and demand to speak to her
3-4 internet
4- more homework
5-anything i need to get done
6:30-go to the mtg thing, and hopefully be accepted augh
9-net
10-sleep

tuesday
wake up at 8
8-9 lull about
9-10 homework!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10-11:30 eat or something
11:30-12:20 Net
12:30 Art Class!!!
2:15- home, do whatever for the rest of the day, including homework (everything i have to get done before yeah)internet, tv..exciting!!
and maybe go to church and edit the urban homeworks tapes if i get brave enough

wednesday
wake up at 8
8-9 get ready for school, finish homework
9:05 leave for yeah
9:30 be there and have evil science and then writing
12:30-1ish-be picked up
1ish to 6-video edit maybe or net
6-9- hs service. YOU better be there

thursday-
THANKSGIVING
sleep in and be lazy, maybe eat turkey, go to sims, have steve and suze tag along, prolly get taped by a camcorder by my infesting cousin

friday-meh who knows

saturday- at 12:00 I shall stick my tounge out, that's as far as I got...

and that is an overview of what my week may be like

and of course i shall stick Bible reading and God time in there

::quoth anna:: at 9:39 PM

Friday, November 19, 2004

Staind-Fade

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too
Much to concieve

Pre:
I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

Chorus:
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do

Pre:
I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

Chorus:
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

But I never meant to fade away
I never meant to fade..

Chorus:
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

I try to breathe..

great song..exactly how i feel..like it a lot..

it's friday. i'm bored. lonesome and there's no one to talk to. on aim or anything..

they're all jsut too busy with themselves..

but anyways...

i'm very proud of Clem, she got over her fear of the vaccuum cleaner. good kitty.

ima thinking i'll go upstairs and maybe leave aim on and listen to fade while writing some poetry, maybe watch friday night tv. maybe call call shanna. not sure. i miss the poor deer. (yes i am very aware it is spelt dear)

so that's my life currently. but oh well, i'm use to staying home on the weekends doing loner stuff. that's me. can't get away from it..

oh, i saw jim and jessica at bethany yesterday, that was cool. jessica walked up to me when i was going through the tables trying to get to our lunch table and was like, "anna katanna!!" oh sigh, i miss them. but w/ college and all and i dunno about becky, prolly busy too.

ok note to self: December 1, - youthgroup December 2, - Tech team Christmas Party, bring white elephante gift! December 3 - Christmas Banquet, Natalie's Christmas Party December 17, - youth night?

so yes. that's it.. .. .. yup..

::quoth anna:: at 6:11 PM

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Random poemness by me..

when it's staring in to your eyes
so deeply so intent
you cannot tell lies
for it shall find you later on
and when you're sitting there
so silent
a voice you dare
not reconize
whispers in your ear
asking you a question
and you look around in fear
and respond
then they are gone
and you go on walking
remembering with a void space
while everyone continues talking

that reggie dabbs things was tonight...it wasn't happy and i didn't like it much...

people were missing..

apppppppp parents..

being called bbl

::quoth anna:: at 10:06 PM

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

You know what I don't understand? How come peolple say like, "I'll be there in several hours" or "It was on several hours ago" Several should obviously mean seven. But no, it means like, a few. Not seven. And it confuses everything out of me.

Art class went fast today. I'm still trying to finish my project..and it doesn't help that clay dries so quickly.

Lost my appetite today. Ate ramen though..

Still need to finish my writing paper. Used a lot of my imagination though today when writing a random story of stuff I had to get out.

I'm still here...

lyrics that are lovely..

smile empty soul- Finding Myself

I don't care anymore
if I let you down
I believe that I need to be free
I'm so used to my life with you around
I don't know anymore the real me

And I thought that I found myself today
and I thought that I had control
all the change in my life just fell away
for a moment I didn't need you

all these tears that I cried
you must be tired of
taking care of me but
its what you do best and
I'm a liar cuz
really its what I need

And I thought that I found myself today
and I thought that I had control
all the change in my life just fell away
for a moment I didn't need you

someone like you someone like me
maybe its change
that set you free

free

And I thought that I found myself today
and I thought that I had control
all the change in my life just fell away
for a moment I didn't need you

and I thought that I found myself today
and I thought that I had control
all the change in my life just fell away
for a moment I didn't need you

Listen to a clip of this song using Real Player
Listen to a clip of this song using Windows Media Player

::quoth anna:: at 8:43 PM

Sunday, November 14, 2004

OK. Quick overview of weekend. Sarah and Manda spent the night on Saturday. Very fun! We watched two recorded episodes of lost and than got very tired and fell asleep. me and sarah stayed up talking for a bit though. church was lalalatralala..

evile. art got cancelled ap!!!

alex got his knapsack hahaha...

odd matt-for-today person was hanging out with me and manda on saturday night service. he was a bit fruity and reminded me of that d person at the festival. but we beat him at pool haha!!

covenant groups were nice. was on the net for a bit today. need sleep.

i password protected some of my drifting far website so only people who know the password can go in to that area of my site...

specifically the area with all my poems.

i don't expect anyone to know the password. you must ask and i shall determine whether i could show you such poems and wutnot.

but that's it...ate a lot of baked goods this wkd which wasn't totally healthy. he erm..

wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait for wednesday night!!!

*glares at people who didn't go to church today*

::quoth anna:: at 9:59 PM

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Hahaha, so I got on the computer to do draft 3 of my story for draft 3, cause I'm in a weird mood and I want to get homework done ASAP. (Not procrastinating! I'm actually doing this stuff right away) Anyways I was looking at the correction she made on my stories and listen to what she said in the comments heh.. "A darling story! :)" "Cute! :)" "Cute story! :)"

Haha.. so apparently I write cute stories. My teacher thinks so anyways. Well it's really hard to write anything but cute when you have a ton of guidelines for your story and it has to have a certain moral and stuff like that. I hope my talent can come out of this class though. Not a lot of cute stories. I already have those from when I was in third grade.

Ahck, this day is going by so slow. There's nothing to do but homework. I can't go on the computer until I get homework done anyways so that's all I can do.

People who go to regular school must come home soon so they can save me from insanity.

You musn't forget to keep checking my other site cause I'm always adding stuff to it. So I might of added something since the last time you were there...hmm?

::quoth anna:: at 2:08 PM

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

so today when i was pretending to be a llama chewing grass i accidentally drank shower water..O.o

it's true the way i feel, was promised by your face, the sound of your voice, is painted on my memory, even if you're not with me I'm with you

lp song...feeling such ways now...

school is so blasted hard!

apparently us writing class students are bad because some of us have been having staple fights...it's not our fault if we're bored!!! (note: actually i wasn't the one firing them, i just watched silently as i always do)

i'm always jsut the quiet one there that fits in. it's a rather sad position but i guess it's mine. i always watch from afar and smile and laugh to myself about what other people do, but they don't relize it. never forget, i'm always watching. my mind is watching you and i am thinking a hundred thoughts a second about what you are doing..

i have my eye on you..

::quoth anna:: at 9:47 PM

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

thne i would have had time to tell my dad not to shut off the computer because i was downloading this adobe thing...ack...now i must redownload it all and it takes like hours..frusterating

sooo me and my mom are going to woodbury today to help my mom's friend pick apples and make applesauce..i still have my main hard homework to do so hopefully i can get some done there or something..

having french toast for breakfast. using old rice milk and expired eggs! *gasp*..but good french bread..and cinnoman.

blah must go..i shall miss you all and i might call you later manda!

::quoth anna:: at 9:13 AM

Monday, November 08, 2004

Ok, so...

i am searching for clothes online. i'm not sure what i have in mind. i want some weird random fun shirts. that i can wear and would express me in a sort of way. it's very hard actually too...hottopic has shirts...but they are really expensive and kinda mean and my parents wouldn't want me wearing an evil shirt...that's an understatement.

sooo i stumbled upon red rabit clothing, and it's awesome! unfortunately it's all in german and i can't figure out what sort of money they use so i could see how much it would cost with american money. and overseas shipping?? expensive and um unsafe i feel. i found this and I find it quite pretty. i tried to find the regular people who made it but that was a bad idea...*cough*...

so yea, that's my quest.

yesterday after church i went w/ sarah to the art painting thing for the murals and now i may be on the art team! lovely...then we went back to sarah's house and watched hangman's curse while drawing and eating. then sarah dyed her hair to a lovely brown color and i watched awe struck...i relized also that i would have a VERY hard time dying my hair. why? well i've gotten so many compliments on it and stuff, i wouldn't want to risk damaging it. like, even when you dye your hair, there's really no highlights or different tones. it's just one color that looks fakeish. and what if my hair didn't grow back the way it should...and what if it turned all frazzled and stuff...eep. change is bad. plus, if God decided my hair should be this way, maybe i should leave it? (but i'm happy for all you luvly people who are brave enough to screw with their hair! lucky..) i had a dream last night that i dyed my hair britnee and max's color. and that some of the strands were silver...very odd...

so anyways, that's all basically. today is stressful with mother and such but i'll keep moving forward..covenant groups were last night too. twas fun and lovely indigo who didn't go to church came!!

::quoth anna:: at 1:34 PM

Saturday, November 06, 2004

I often have...

You know what I hate? I hate how sylvester never eats tweety. Tweety is like this young niave bird who just sings and acts all cute..hmm..kinda like a prep...and the cat, who is all black and white and cool is always outsmarted by tweety. I mean, come on, the bird's brain is the smaller then my fist. I wish they'd give the cat a better voice though...he sounds like he spits alot... But anyways, it's really evil how he has the bird in his mouth, but tweety always manages to get out?? How does a bird get out of a cat's mouth?? They'd be too stupid to do anything but flap their wings as hard as they can... So unsettling...

Ya, so..

Happy day. I woke up at 10:30 this morning after staying up til 2am talking with indigo on aim. Twas fun. Although I cna't remember what exactly was said. Meh. My mother had put quite a nice selection of food on the table to eat for shabbat. Delecious stuff...So then at 12 I was going to take a shower but turned on the tv for a moment and guess what was on? The Outer Limits. Yay, fun scary sort of interesting scifi kinda show. This episode was how the new president and his wife had came from his corenation ball because there was like an astroid coming speedily at the earth. It turned out to be something launched by aliens. Panic. So yea, the russians wanted america to help attack them or the russians would attack america. And they got this video from an alien and it was all creepy looking and making alien like noises and stuff...and so they sent a video back saying stuff like, friends, welcome. Buuuut they didn't know what the aliens said in their video, because it was all distorted. To make a long story short. They thought the aliens were invading so they shot at them but the aliens have toooooons of strength so they came back with something huge and killed them. But right before they were going to die they found out the aliens were saying they wanted friendship...interesting...

Anyways...I took a shower after that and then my mom gave me a ride to the Carmic where I met everyone else and we saw the movie, "The Incredibles" I didn't really really want to see it, but I think I remembered it looked a little humerous in the trailer so I was like, "ok, as long as i'm with friends." it turned out to be a nice movie, even made me laugh. and people thought that i resembled the girl with the straight blue black hair who was all shy and stuff a lot. Hehe..except the stupid pink preppy head band she put on at the end. what the crap was the that? lol...sarah..

so after the movies, dear pilar and the leones had to leave and then we walked to burger king then kfc and ate and had a ball.

my mother said she doesn't want me to go to movies on saturdays because it's too typical or something like that...

that's all really to report..

hs service on wednesday was fantabulous. everyone was there that i'm in love with, so it twas all good. and i even spoke to xyz!!!!

"i have dreamt, of a place for you and me. no one knows who we are there..."

::quoth anna:: at 10:23 PM

Friday, November 05, 2004

Apparently indigo is a color close to black or something...but the rainbow song?

Anyways, this post is dedicated to my love Leah. :)I shall post something about someone once a week in my blog starting with her.

What can I say about such a person as her? Quite a bit. I've seen her around church quite a while. years. i remember seeing her last year. i know i was just all like, hmm i like her pants, she's punk! or goth or something...but really there's much more to her then a silly stereotype. you can't really sum up a person in one label. not that i'd really want to label her anyways. she's extravagent! (sp..) Hm, oh yes, I think I remeber thinking she wasn't the type of person to like me. I think I thought she seemed distant a lot and not really with everyone else. And that she definately wouldn't like me cause I'm like, younger then her. She was just so wise looking and I'm this weird sevvy who doesn't know up from down at times. But during urban homeworks it was very fun to find something different then I thought. I remember manda, sarah, her, and i made that little 4 star thing with our sleeping bags and head our heads together and that's when i was like, hmm maybe she does like me! so basically, i view her as this very incredibly nice wise owl who stays up late with me on aim and talks about whatever. i'm very pleased to be her friend because she adds extra stuff to my life! and she's my wife after all haha...she has many many of them though. i'm sure one for every day of the month...haha..She is allergic to cats but has one none the less, her hair is a very beautiful red color and wild and crazy and we all love her so!!

if anyone tries to take my wife away i shall bite at their hand and hiss.

indigo-a color added to my rainbow! meeeesh!!!

::quoth anna:: at 11:59 PM

Interesting addicting song...

Ok. so. being stressed out by mother currently. but life goes on.

nate brought us wendy's tonight. food. i'll survive!

boring friday night. but seeing movie tomorrow night with friends so that should be good. *sigh* soooo not feeling ok.

i mean, i feel physically well, but my brain is so offtrack and weird today. maybe i should go upstairs and lay in my room with the red christmas lights i put up in there today and fall asleep or something. ack but i'm calling manda later so i should stay away until then i suppose.

i'll post again another time.

oh and i got commments up so you better comment!

and don't think i'm so hot for the color pink, cause i really don't like it much, i just love the pink panther, i remember watching that show when i was a kid and the theme song rocks!

so red and black still rock.

(edited in: haha look at this!)

::quoth anna:: at 6:07 PM

Thursday, November 04, 2004

"..sometimes I feel so alone, feels like i'm standing out here by will, i've never felt so far from home..."

oo tfk song.

ok, so as you see i have this new lovely layout. i must confess i got the template stuff from this place but i put in my pictures and colors and stuff and it took quite a while. if you don't like this font i'm writing in or it's hard ot read, tell me so please. and also the comments aren't up yet but i have to go to bed because i've spent too much time on this and if i get caught. ziiip for me. farewell!

::quoth anna:: at 11:58 PM

Monday, November 01, 2004

Weird mood. Maybe it is brought upon the happiness this morning and then the falling day. And maybe it's the fact that I have lots of mellow happy music for me at my fingertips. (free 7 day trial of realrhapsody, lots and lots of bands you can listen to. i even found hungry!!)

whatever it is, i don't care. i don't know anything right now, if you walked up to me i'd be deep in thought about something. maybe about who i am, or about what my priorities are in life, why everyone likes twizzlers except me, why i like healthy food, why everything happens the way it does.

oh, yea, breakaway was a blast.

oh, gosh, my shirt tag is really irratating my back. *fixes it*

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! ah-hem. listening to three days grace. love that song.

if anyone has something for me to do or if they can talk to me, i strongly advise you to do so, cause i'm in this weird mellow depressed trance, where i know i'm not depressed cause i have the awesomest friends in the world and GOD!!! great parents, considering all my friends that have a lot of problems with theirs. my brothers could use a bit of fixing up though. grfloof.. so my brain is like, trying to tell me i'm depressed but my heart is like, "haha! no, i am so not depressed! i am very happy but i bit overwhelmed with school but that's all. i'm getting over that awful depression thing. IT SUCKS BRAIN!!" But my brain is all ignorant or something so they're having this weird battle trying to decide my emotions. I am just swept up by this and really want to move on to the next day.

yes, i am waiting for the next day where i can either stumble around in the dark or fly up high. not sure what cause of course I am not God and the furthest thing from such. I am waiting for you Tuesday. I am ready to take you on Godstrong and tackle you!!! I'm going to take you over so fast tuesday you won't know what happened to you. God and I shall rule Tuesday. Cause He'll help me do so of course.

if you did not know, i HATE tuesdays and thursday. nothing happens. and on thursday i have hebrew class which is a huge stress point in my life along with school. tuesday afternoon is ok cause I have art class at Mem's studio where I can freely express myself through clay or painting or whatever I get to do next.

That's what I want to do someday. Buy a random building on the side of a busy street that looks like an old tiny corner store but really inside it has tons of stuff. random junk i can use to put together mobiles or inventions or something. And my art studio will have tons of paints, Accrylics, watercolors, glazes, all sorts or stuff. And canvases and paintbrushes and LOTS of different kinds of clay. And I'll have lots of my art all around and clay figurines that people made for me for my birthday and pictures they painted me. and the walls will be splattered with all sorts of colored paint. and hand prints and signatures of people who went there. like all my friends. and i'd have a little stove that i make tea or coffee on to drink while i invent all this stuff and a cd player with lots of music i love that helps me to express my feelings. from classical to worship music to hate or depressing music. or maybe music just about life. and my work would sell alot and i'd have this unique style of painting or something that a lot of people admired. and i'd make all my money from people buying them. and i'd go to the library at least 3 times a week. and i would also know how to make video games and make some awesome games with great graphics and plots and stuff. people would buy those too. and i'd have a contract with um..oh, microsoft! and i'd also design computer programs and websites. and any of my close friends that wanted a website, i'd make them one for free. (of course they would have to provide the domain) and i'd have a spectacular computer with a huge monitor and the fastest internet ever imaginable! with my OWN copy of animation shop 3. not a dowloaded 30 day trial that is not nearly enough time to use all of your imagination and time on. and i'd meet with my friends often in coffee shops and hang out. and i would travel all around to big cities like new york, san fransico, LA, sydney, london, portland, seattle, and all that lovelyness.

and that's what i'd do. that's my dream of sorts.

and maybe...get a husband. providing anyone would want to marry me of course.

that was me getting carried away. that is only a little piece of how much one of my thoughts can go to the next and think about amazing new possibilites in life.

that's my mind talking. my past life experience leading up to this.

Audioslave- I am the highway

Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me
'Cause I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night

::quoth anna:: at 9:05 PM