Life of Buck

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Leftovers. That stuff that looks really gross when cold in in some jar, left in the refridgerator from last night. It was great last night. But now you're stuck with..this stuff! It looks unedible, but if you open the jar and pop it in the oven or cook it in the microwave or something, it really isn't all that bad. It's actually a little good. But often people end up throwing the leftovers away because they don't think it could ever be the same as that meal last night. They don't take the time to warm it up and then enjoy it.

That's what I am. Leftovers.

So this particular analogy that came off the top of my head doesn't EXACTLY match how I feel, but close. I feel more like, used when the other good stuff isn't avalible. Like...If you went to the store hoping to buy some Krispy Kreme donuts, but they run out of them before you get a chance to get some, so you're forced to get those half as good donuts in the little bag or whatnot. It's good. But when the real thing is around, you want that instead. That's how I feel. Like those little bag of donuts that are a little stale and not as delecious.

Food is something I'm often thinking about by the way.

So the last few days. What the heck can I say? Yea, they sucked ..quite a bit. But what can you expect from a Monday and a Tuesday? Monday's and Tuesdays suck. Here's my common sense in thinking such--- Mondays. NOTHING happens. Well except for the prayer meeting in the night, but that's all the way into the wee hours of the day. But you get up on Monday, and being a friggen homeschooler, it's like, soo..what do I do now? And you usually end up going downstairs, and if you are spotted by your parents, they immediantely bark commands to start cleaning the house, because it got trashed over the weekend. And you just can't help but to be all, "Augh, idiotic chores!" And then you have to do more homework, like restart. And life just sort of looses meaning in Mondays. But there's Tuesday to sometimes flal back on. For art class is in the early afternoon, and you can get all those weekend feelings about *coughsomekidyoulikeecough* out on the block of wood and oil paints sitting in front of you. Tuesdays are usually peaceful for the most part. Except. The Tuesdays I've been having recently. Why? Oh, just because my life has been invaded by some people...

Today. Well today was the start of Yeah again. In science class I extracted DNA from my cheeks and did this thing where I saw some of my cells or something. Let's just say it involved achohol... Writing sucked. It's getting really hard. Something about getting info from books for your paper or something!? It left me completely clueless on how to do my homework. But oh well. I'll try and fail probably. Then on the way home. Augh. It just..sucked. And then I finished my day by as usual, sitting in my closet listening to Nirvana and reading or something.

Hs service. Well it went surprizingly, ok. For the most part. I already gave you the donut analogy, so you can just pretend you know exactly what happened with that. But anyways. I arrived and saw Britnee and Nikki at the vending machines and they all said, "Anna!!" And we hugged. hehe...then I found Sarah and Pilar who were going to the art meeting thinger. We went in to the wrong room, but the room had food so I grabbed some snicker salad. Dude, that stuff is good! But so we ended up going to the art meeting placer, and Sarah and Pilar and I were lessed then thrilled half an hour into the thing about some of the stuff the dude guy was suggesting. Oh, Todd too, but he came a little late, so you know. Then the clock edged around 7, and I got a bit nervous and asked how long this thing was. Kris said, "Oh until about 8:30" And me in my mind: NO!!!! I'm not missing church for some weird messed up art thing. I wouldn't be able to concentrate or anything. So I left. I walked out of that room with the weird old people and into phase 1. manda and peter and merril, and all the wonderful free people were there. After a bit we had worship, then sat and Dennis made us get into groups. ... Very interesting topic for tonight. Something about what we think make people sexy!!?? or something. And it was funny and weird. And me and manda were glad the guys who were sitting by us before had left to be in another group. And gosh, lol, Dennis- "We were driving from Mexico into America and there's this billboard of a naked lady covering herself up just right, and I hear a groan in the back of the bus." -insert girl giggles here- Dennis: "No! Don't screw this up now, I didn't mean that"
-insert me and manda laughing quite hard here-

and so after that it was rather, enjoyable. i hunted max and britnee down and told them about my birthday thinger i wanted to have next week. and nikki heard, so I think maybe I should invite her too for like...it's at afton and she works there and like...she was discussing it with me... and merril heard too, and i'm thinking, "um.." then i went to tell peter and andrew heard and now i'm thinking, "oh blast blast blast!" cause i'm not going to say, "oh you can't some by the way, if that's what you're thinking!!!" so...let's just let them think... And then I told todd, and yea. Peter's friend liked the key around my neck. Interesting. Ah he has a name. Andrew. Yea...*hits self* but anyways. then we were all playing DDR and me and manda and peter were controlling one thinger with all her feet. it was fun. but then i felt like food again.

but anyways. then everyone left cept max and todd and me. then todd got a ride home and i talked with max a little bit about dna and guitars and stuff. he makes me nervous. like, i feel if i do something weird or wrong he'll stare at me and by like, whatever! or something. it's weird...almost as if he's some popular kid i'm afraid of. but he's fun alot of the times.

and i came home and was in a sort of happy mood. and yea. now i must go sit in my closet and listen to nirvana and finish hebrew homework for tomorrow and think about my birthday inviter thingers...oyvi.

Pilar's party is on saturday. i hope everyone..can come.

(Indigo, you better be coming!!)

augh, i hate boiled eggs...gross!

::quoth anna:: at 10:20 PM

Sunday, January 23, 2005

She should have stayed away from him...

I cannot begin to explain the complex race of my mind. the pain which spreads into my heart every time it beats. something clogging in to it. it fills my stomach, and i'm feeding off of it, for i do not have an appetite.

wednesday could have been better. i mean hs service. a mere joke i fooled myself with. thursday was hebrew. and then i met manda at hero. and then i went to hero with her on friday, and saw the leones and alex explained algebra 2 to me for an hour and video game coding. fiday night me and manda wanted to take a walk, so we bundled up, sorta, and grabbed a couple of sleds, and walked in the snow at night, flakes falling into our hair, with a silvery effect. it was all so fresh. no one had had time to shovel yet. we slid down a couple of hills. then went to play on the little playground. we spun down the slides for they were quite slick, and then swung on the swings and flew into the snow. we then went down a couple of other crazy weird hills and ended up on the other side of this ice rink. manda kept picking huge weeds and presenting me as gifts with this funny little sheepish grin, like, she was in love with me or something. haha, it was hilarious. then i would "replant" them by sticking them into the snow. we made our little island of the planter-trees.

oh haha. "frosty donut men"

but anyways. then we went into the ice rink and hid inside a hocky cage, which we sat in and talked about people we wish were there...*sigh*

saturday was fair fair fair, except for the crazy max britnee issue that weighed upon us all in different ways.

then at sarah's. minutes after the popcorn shrimp arrived, she spilled. and i almost started crying 3 different times during the conversation. but i had to hold myself back, for i didn't want to cry in front of them, and manda, over such an issue. i didn't want to make her feel a wee bit worse. at first i was pained, then hurt, then angry, then i just started this heart hurting thing until now. i think i've spent at least 2 hours going over, analyzing every conversation and thing i did with that kid, and being like, oh...i get it now... i must admit the information made me giggle now and then when i thought of such a concept. but it's not a nessicarily good thing.

and what sarah said she said. OYVI!

and now there is too many songs that go with this feeling/mood of mine. too many to post.

so what sort of music currently flops into mind is, missing by evanescence, my happy nirvana cd indigo gave me-those songs, and the bitter pill song by dashboard.

although it's hard to listen to nirvana. you know why.

so i'm off to covenant groups. maybe to die. maybe not to.

STUPID STUPID SUCKY BROTHER! augh. i hate how he treats me.

oh, i had this weird mild family get together thing at ocb, and one of my uncles kept asking me if i had a boyfriend. just cause he's an uncle and i'm some young teenage girl. i kept saying no. inside, i screamed.

::quoth anna:: at 5:52 PM

Sunday, January 16, 2005

I didn't know soup could be beautiful...

Crazy insane stuff has happened since tuesday. All of which can not be written properly enough to suit how it makes me feel. ... "You make me feel, complicated sometimes..." Random song came to head... Ok, so here's how the story goes. Or so my brain was told when it all happened.

On Tuesday, Monday, I don't remember. Josh just decided to pack his bags and move in with us. Oh...joy. The good side about this was that he provided good, very food. (Tov ma-od again) But yea, life is dreary with him and Jennica around. Wednesday, augh, very hectic in a weird way. Thinking about it, adn all the stuff I need to do before certain deadlines, and all the people who probably hate me, makes me incredibly sad. And lazy. I just want to fall asleep into a dream, and wake up in heaven. Nothing to do or no expectations up there. And I'll be, perfect when I am there. And everyone else will. So I won't be jelous and no one will hate me. Wheeee! But anyways, after the chaos I still went to highschool service at woodland and it was...good, but not in the area I wanted it to be. For example, I arrived with my box of ugly wedding candles for manda, and walked down to the computer lab and gave them to her. She squealed with delight over the stupidness and ugliness of it all and I laughed. Todd came and we went up on to tomato with manda to look more closely at the candles. We talked about my hat that I made, (a crazy red and black knitted one that makes me look like a jester) and giggled at the paintings on the candles. We were waiting for someone, but he didn't show when we wanted him to. So we left to taco house and skidded in the snow on over. Quite enjoyable I found it, especially slsiding down the steep hill, and trying to walk up it. Me and todd bought something, but manda did not. When we arrived back at church everyone had come, (cept indigo, mumble mumble) and he was there. I surveyed the image of happiness, he talking with random people. And then me and todd sat at one of the bar tables and ate our tacos. A crowd of people joined to our little table and we talked until service started. Hmm, peter said he liked my hat. Todd said he liked my hat, that barbie kid wanted me to make him one, and everyone else just laughed and said it was lovely. Britnee got her belly button pierced and kept uncovering it and showing it to everyone new person that arrived. The service was very long, and there wasn't anytime afterwards to talk to people really... but me, manda, britnee, peter, and andrew, sort of messed around and flicked eachother and stuff. Amusing.

Thursday, hebrew, which is getting tremendously hard, auft, and then I came home. I did stuff. Josh and Jennica were here and my brothers as always, so didn't do much accomplishing...

I then later that night hopped on aim because indigo and steph were on, so I talked with them for a little bit. Oh, and I think tuesday night the cops were here cause ezra's girlfriend's dad tried to kill him by strangling him, but you know, all in a life's day. But anyways, me and steph were talking about stuff adn she randomly decided that we should go get coffee that night. So we did. Well she did, I ended up getting a malt...So we went to applebees around 9 and got coffee and a malt and boneless buffalo wings and cheese sticks and spoke with eachother until midnight. In which I decided I should head home so my father doesn't lock me out.

I was all hyper for friday.

Awoken by my alarm clock at 9, and jolted into reality a few minutes later by the ringing of my cell phone. Amanda. We someone in that friday morning worked out our plan for that day and I got caught by them at 2:30pm later that day. At her house we watched movies of people...and ate happy food. Ohhh haha... We also were on the phone with laura's friend Ian from hero for like 3 or 4 hours...They have like three different lines so it didn't matter much. Manda and me and laura sort of switched of and on talking to him, but it was cool. Somehow, later on me and manda and ian were talking, and we decided to three way peter. ohhh yea, i pulled out his hat from my bag, for he left it accidentally on wednesday, and we thought of him...or so the story goes.

so we called him, and he answered, and apparently andrew is there so he hops on a different phone, and we're all talking. They were high or drunk or something, for they were being INSANE! Here's some of teh crazy stuff that happened in the conversation.

*Peter and Andrew kept screwing up Ian's name by forgetting it and calling him eddy and charlie and a whole swamp of other things.

*Andrew and Manda were speaking about the pictures on a cheese nips box that she didn't even have. And a popcorn bag...O.o

*Peter and Andrew were laughing at abunch of stuff we did not know of. And quoting Napolean Dynomite.

*We figured out it was the truffle shuffle that chunk did in the goonies in that one scene.

*They were spraying Peter's dog with a mini squirt gun in the face, because it was in the kitchen. !!??!?!

*Andrew could not accomplish counting to 3 without being interrupted by me Manda and Peter abunch.

*A ton of other random craziness.

*Oh, adn their idea for chocolate coke, or chocolate vannila coke, which they were asking our opinions on, and I pointed out that it sounded like the swirl sort of ice cream you get at OCB and McDonalds and stuff.

The conversation ended like this:

Peter to Andrew: We should go watch a movie!
Andrew: Yea yea
*Me spacing out not hearing what they're saying* All of a sudden:
Peter and Andrew: 1, 2, 3! *click*

and they left. it took me a second to figure out what had just happened. But then we returned to normal life.

Saturday Manda and I made wontons and talked to Ian again for a bit. And Laura Ian and I three wayed (is that a word??) Ben, but he soon had to go to band practise. Piiish. Manda of course listened silently on another phone.

Then after Manda got her new guitar we went to Target, where she had to pick up a couple of things and we peeled of stickers from the clothing and put them on our hands.

At Sarah's I arriveed and Britnee was talking to Andrew and then Sarah and her started soonly discussing Britnee's new feeling with me.

Why is this feeling so important to me? It is the one I've wanted her to have for so long, but she never did, and everyone convinced me that the person I sought did not seek anyone. What the heck is a feeling? Well, Britnee's feeling is something where she gets this weird...well..feeling about who likes who. And she randomly told me that when she was talking to people on aim that day, she got a feeling about who liked me. But I did not believe her. I seriously thought it was some joke her and sarah were playing to make me happy or something. But she persisted at such, even today. Oh, wow. Today. But anyways. I do not believe her feeling is right, although she was right about every single other person she got a feeling about. But for me? Something as happy and what I've always wanted for to come true, come true for ME? (well, since this summer) No. Nothing ever seems to go as I want it to. And just a week ago she would say if I asked her is this certain person liked anyone, she would of said, no one. And every single other person would agree with her. But now...! Now, all of a sudden when she gets this, everyone else thinks so too. And I don't know what to do. It's like, you're a little kid, and you find out santa isn't real, (i never did believe in him anyways for my parents did not bring me up like that) but then all of a sudden, everyone is telling you he's real. How the heck are you suppose to believe them? Something like that!? Yea,yea...

So I hopped on aim and talked to indigo, steph, and peter after britnee got off for a little bit, and then me and sarah got food. and britnee. and manda talked on aim.

after quite a long time, we finally watched lord of the golf balls. and hahaha, peter's hair changes length and color like 3 different times, which is amusing, anden has this little kid voice, and max is incredibly small! it was cute though. we thene watched lost, and i sorta watched wimbleton. spelling, meh. but i didn't enjoy it much, so i ended up going to bed at 2-ish.

at church first service was ok. all the people that said they would come did not, grrr. then for second, ok, max, britnee, satia, (oyvi) sarah, pilar, me, manda, peter, andrew, ethan, and indigo and alex for a bit sat around and played cards and did random things. peter drew a liger on a name tag, which manda gifted me, and now it is on my pants.

Oooo Oooo Ooo, my pants!!! Ok, Sarah, Satiya, whatever, gave me...TRIPP JEANS!!!! Yeeees! They are black and have awesome zippers and buckles, and thos straps in the back, and have a bunch of metal and stuff on them. They are quite awesome. And it makes me happy.

So yea, it's amazing how I've been...

::quoth anna:: at 1:38 PM

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

random short poem i wrote...

and what if i told you i could see through stars/
what if i said i could feel your scars/
what if i could be with you whenever i wanted/
what if i realized i'm feeling haunted?/
what if you vanished into my air/
but i somehow, knew you were there/

i finished my hat today. i look like a jester...hmm..bringing it to hs service tomorrow and seeing what people think. it's nice that i have friends who like it when people wear insanely stupid stuff. for then if you feel like looking crazy, they all approvee greatly.

monday..i..think i died...yes. i did. actually i didn't eat anything til 3:30 in the afternoon. but it's ok...i went to the prayer meeting. steph hooked me up with beer. good stuff...

today. too much stuff happened. that is what. and not nessicarilly in a good way. i woke up at 11:30..hmm.. and heh. my cat, at the exact time i woke up and started getting out of bed, shee woke up and started getting up from her bed. and then we both stretched at the same time, and frowmped downstairs together. that has happened for the past few days.

my brothers have been dumb today. that is the jist of all things.

things i need to get done-

finish writing homework i have not done
do hebrew
add more poems to my site, i've written so many more...

i think tomorrow shall be busy for some weird reason.

got to go now...i forgot everything witty i was going to say.

::quoth anna:: at 10:31 PM

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Lightly into the distance, I see you smile. A smug look on your face. You found out my secret. And you told me with your eyes. You looked away, but a few seconds later would always look back. I poured the wine down the drain. I didn't want you to find my secret...

with wednesday's events, both happy and sad, it was time to move on to another day. thursday. hebrew in the morning as semi usual. i actually for once, did almost ok in that class. for some weird reason ruth was impressed with my work. for i had to read my sentence i translated from hebrew and then i'm thinking ok, now we're suppose to be translating it back to english. so i did from what i had written, and ruth was all, "I can't believe you did that!" (in a good way) and so yea..and she was proud of me for writing in script instead of block print. don't remember what else happened thursday night...hmm yea, do not remember.

frying pan day. erm. i think i was just, i dunno. unproductive overall. but whatever. Oh! I made christmas cookies on thursday and ate like 6...eeep. cookies tempt me so. but only the chewy or soft kind. crunchy hard burnt cookies are quite disgusting. but more then 2 chocolate cookies can become..augh.. feeling.

i ended up going to shabbat with my mom. and then after i met a crying soul while i played on a ds. friday was...uneventful for me i guess.

i need to expand my borders i am thinking. i need to set up my priorities. i need to get OFF the interenet. i'm on way too much a day. and that's an understatement. think of what i could be doing while on this thing for hours? umm...finishing my writing homework for when school starts again! I'm sorta not looking forward to that class for it's always learning some new thing you have to add or keep out of your paper. and it sucks. it's so hard... so yea. i need to get offline. i need to stop waiting around for people to get on aim. what if my dearest is trying to call? augh, should of given her boyfriend my cell phone number to give to her..

oh oh oh! i made up a pickup line that i will never use. - If you were a computer, I'd be on you all the time!!

Good, huh?

Church was a bit dreary this morning. Alex gave me Frankies Corn Flakes. hmm...

alex is a good person to know.

a sentence in hebrew-

tov m-ode shayl ha daag!

::quoth anna:: at 9:34 PM

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I knew it. From the moment I saw her I could tell it from the way she looked at him. A sort of spark in her eyes. Like a new Christmas toy to play with, something different. She wanted him. I knew it from the way she talked to him. And I just watched it happen. It's not like I could have taken her to a dark alley and beat her up. No. I just had to sit there and scream inside saying, "NOOOO!" But people can never seem to hear your screams inside. Youre tormented screams of suffering... She left for a while. My burden gone for the time being. But I knew she would return. Return for him. And she did. No one really cared but the one who also knew. She told her no, but I don't think that will stop her. How can I compare though?? her black hair and perfect clothes. Even wearing a leather coat. I just sat there feeling unworthy. But how could I give up the one that likes food stuff? Sitting there smiling. The smile he seems to have attached to him. How how how could I be able to give that up. All that I know. All that she doesn't. But how. How can I control my inner crying. Stabbing me so deeply. I just want to tell him, and get all this longing away. Want to tell him that I seem to think of him everyday. Want to tell him how much I talk about him when he doesn't hear.

How much I've written on my hand his name.

The thought of his face lights up my mind and I smile a distant smile.

Indigo what the heck shall I do??

::quoth anna:: at 9:33 PM

Monday, January 03, 2005

You know what's retarded. My brother. All of a sudden he wants to buddy up to me cause the girl he likes asked if he was close to me. And he's all like, "Girls like guys that get along with their sisters." And he wanted to hug me. And ok, I'm being hostile and saying stuff like, "No I don't care about our relationship!" But that is because he grew up and wrecked it. Just like Breanna.

Posted pics from FNL on my site. They got downsized and made me mad a bit...

Bed. Sleep. Art tomorrow. Hopefully I cna finish my goth tree and take out these emotions on it.

2 weeks..sigh

::quoth anna:: at 11:22 PM

Sunday, January 02, 2005

The song crying through your memory like a child without their mother.

Pearl Jam- Better Man

Waitin',
watchin' the clock,
it's four o'clock,
it's got to stop,
tell him - take no more,
she practices her speech,
as he opens the door,
she rolls over,
pretends to sleep as he looks her over.
She lies and says she's in love with him.
Can't find a better man.
She dreams in color, she dreams in red.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Ohh...

Talkin' to herself,
there's no one else who needs to know,
she tells herself,
Ohh...

Memories back,
when she was smooth,
and strong,
and waiting,
for the world to come along,
swears she knew it,
and she swears he's cool.
She lies and says she's in love with him.
Can't find a better man.
She dreams in color, she dreams in red.
Can't find a better man.
She lies and says she still loves him.
Can't find a better man.
She dreams in color, she dreams in red.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Yeah...

She loved him, yeah...
She don't want to leave this way.
She feeds him, yeah...
That's why she'll be back again.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better man.
Can't find a better...man...

DEATH DEATH DEATH

I'm about to burst into tears. Would be the 4th time today. Augh, I'm sick of having a brother who acts way younger then me and not way older like he should be. What the heck is his problem!!!!!????

My dad decides to fake me out, and not take me to covenant groups tonight, so I missed out in any sort of therapy. I got stuck at my brother's house in woodbury playing board games. And too many people live in woodbury that make me really sad. We played two games and then like it was 6:20 and my dad didn't take me. So I went up and did stupid stupid moronic idiotic hebrew homework for 2 hours and listened to staind and evanescence. Then I turned off the light and looked out the window. I then layed on my niece's bed and cried, for the day hadn't been so happy except forr some parts. I drifted in to a half asleep half awake state, but was thinking about people from church. Specifically one person in particular that has no clue how I feel, and couldn't imagine how either. Then I fully awoke and I had the stupid headache. Yea, here's some info about me. I can NOT take naps. Either I go to bed, or I don't. If I take naps, I wake up with a horrid headache and I'm really nausiated, and everything hurts my eyes. Even if I take one in the night like I did I can't wake up properly. I'm screwed up. You know what I hate? Reflections. Why did we ever have to see what we look like? It sucks so bad. I have been feeling really increedibly unsightful to look at lately. I don't know why. I just think of myself and I think about how no one could ever like this stupid messed up person. I'm so normal so plain, so boring. And it sucks. So some people can dye their hair black and have it really fun like Amy Lee's and make it look awesome. But mine? No, mine is just straight brown hair that is always down. The only thing half interesting about it is that it's really thick. But because it's so thick, you really can't do anything at all to it.

And me? I'm so broing and plain, and I think, I honestly think, that I only act myself, around..myself. That sounds stupid, I know. But I really think it's true, like really really true. I can only seem to be me and have my realness around me... Maybe I'm sounding stupid. But you don't understand. It's incredibly hard to have an identity of your own, and I think I only have my identity when no one else is around. So what good does it do me? Actually this is weird but I think the people I most act around myself is, Shanna, Amanda, and..Alex.. And a bit of other people too. But what part of me comes out differently with each one of them. Like with Shanna, I don't usually vent to her because she vents to me..and when I do to her she thinks I'n complaining and yells at me so I shut up. With Amanda I show her my happiness and my weird defaults and my sadness, but she doesn't really know much of the evil about me and such. But to some extent I feel I must say the right things around her and Britnee or Sarah or they'll think I'm being weird and will be creeped out or like, mad at me or something. It's hard to read them sometimes. Shanna just tells me. And with Alex, I can totally bring out my funky computer lovingness side and I can speak at him about C++ and stuff. And even though I don't like him like THAT (anymore at least) I still feel safe to a certain extent when I'm around him.

And I don't know about other stuff. I don't know if I do different stuff around different people just to impress them, or make them like me, and make sure they don't get mad at me. I suppose it's sorta my fear of rejection, wanting to be liked, and people pleasingness all at once.

Ahft. The song I posted. I like. But Actually instead of me faking I love him, it's my faking that I don't love him. cause I'm trying to make myself stop, but pish it all, it doesn't work.

school sucks.

here is who came to first service- manda, sarah, peter, britnee, and me.
what i did during second service- playing on manda's nintendo sg or something like that. it's sort of a new thing and rather cool. i played the sims urbs on it while everyone else was hanging out in the gathering area.
this random other kid named peter sat by me for a moment intrigued by the game, and said he liked my pants and socks. (black and white striped stuff from HT.)

And we gave Merril a ride home for her mom left without her. O.o

And I told her i'd see her tonight. But thanks to my dad and brothers for not caring about my pre-planned things, I didn't. I lied to everyone I said I would see tonight.

I want to throw something at someone.

And no one likes a weird girl with a leather coat and chipped black nails, and plaid pants. And boring hair. Yea and guess what? I think I actually believe everyone when says that the person I stupidly fell for months ago doesn't like anyone. And why the heck would I think he could maybe maybe MAYBE like me? No. Life for me doesn't work out that way. I never was a lucky person. People like Britnee get to end up dating the person they had a crush on.

Augh, need death, need God. Need to break something, need to get away.

Steph's cat may kill me in my sleep for what my brothers did to her. Gosh.

::quoth anna:: at 11:08 PM