Life of Buck

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

~~~*EDITED*~~~

"here in the shadows, i'm safe, i'm free..."

The scrubby brown grass is soaked to the stem with rainwater that is running off my worn shingles. And here I sit in this chilling house sleepy and yelled at because I am not cleaning my room. It is my room though. Ezra is taunting me cause he knows I hate it when he looks at my aim conversations and stuff, so I tell him not to, but he does just to spite me. So he stand right behind me and reads what I type out loud. So nice.

Last night guess who came home drunk? Josh of course. What a marvelous time we all had. I was trying to finish my stupid homework which I got a ton more of for this week, and he comes home and starts yelling at mom about our problems so don't talk to him about his. And so he goes on about our individual badness and when he gets to me he said, "And Anna, who knows what the f she's doing!!" Oh right. I go out partying every time I leave the house. And then later ezra locks him out and starts yelling at my mom about how he's getting a restraining order because Josh gave him a mean look when he was on the stairs. Oh my gosh call the cops. That was distressing.

AUGH everyone in this house that walks by me gives me mean looks and tells me to go clean.

anyways.

On Monday Katie picked me up around 1:30 and I was in my tree in the front yard cause it was a nice day for climbing. We went to Don Pablos and they have nice food there. After such we went back to her house so she could get tennis shoes and I found my key. Actually they threw it away in their garbage so me and her had to dig for it. Such...fun. We went to pick up va, but her car wouldn't start for like half an hour, but finally it did. So we picked up Va and then walked around the lake, and thebn back to the Lange's and we had prayer meeting and I left.

Yesterday Katie picked me up at 9 and we walked around the lake in less then an hour and so I got exercise! Fweem. For art me and my teacher went to teh Minneapolis Art Institute place and that was itneresting. I get bored fast though of stuff so after an hour I was ready to leave. I don't know...It's like once you've seen one painting, you've seen them all, and then you start to think about how your legs hurt and how you're hungry and then it just gets hard when your mind isn't fresh anymore.

Last night Sim picked up me and Isaiah, and we went to his house and at ham...We had rented Final Destination, so I finally got to see the first one after seeing the second a while ago. It's an interesting movie. Ooo Ooo the hot dude from xfiles is in it! I'll put a link to his pic later so you can see what I mean. Hehe manda, the episode I made you watch with the guy who eats people hehehe, that's the guy.

At yeah we burned food and in writing it went fast and the peopel sitting next to me were actually bearable!

Kate cancelled on me so I'm not walking to day, ah well...I have a massive amount of cleaning to do anyways...Fun stuff.

Now everyone is getting quite ticked off so I'm out.

~~**~~EDITED MORE~~**~~

"here in the shadows, i'm safe, i'm free..."

The scrubby brown grass is soaked to the stem with rainwater that is running off my worn shingles. And here I sit in this chilling house sleepy and yelled at because I am not cleaning my room. It is my room though. Ezra is taunting me cause he knows I hate it when he looks at my aim conversations and stuff, so I tell him not to, but he does just to spite me. So he stand right behind me and reads what I type out loud. So nice.

Last night guess who came home drunk? Josh of course. What a marvelous time we all had. I was trying to finish my stupid homework which I got a ton more of for this week, and he comes home and starts yelling at mom about our problems so don't talk to him about his. And so he goes on about our individual badness and when he gets to me he said, "And Anna, who knows what the f she's doing!!" Oh right. I go out partying every time I leave the house. And then later ezra locks him out and starts yelling at my mom about how he's getting a restraining order because Josh gave him a mean look when he was on the stairs. Oh my gosh call the cops. That was distressing.

AUGH everyone in this house that walks by me gives me mean looks and tlels me to go clean.

anyways.

On Monday Katie picked me up around 1:30 and I was in my tree in the front yard cause it was a nice day for climbing. We went to Don Pablos and they have nice food there. After such we went back to her house so she could get tennis shoes and I found my key. Actually they threw it away in their garbage so me and her had to dig for it. Such...fun. We went to pick up va, but her car wouldn't start for like half an hour, but finally it did. So we picked up Va and then walked around the lake, and thebn back to the Lange's and we had prayer meeting and I left.

Yesterday Katie picked me up at 9 and we walked around the lake in less then an hour and so I got exercise! Fweem. For art me and my teacher went to teh Minneapolis Art Institute place and that was itneresting. I get bored fast though of stuff so after an hour I was ready to leave. I don't know...It's like once you've seen one painting, you've seen them all, and then you start to think about how your legs hurt and how you're hungry and then it just gets hard when your mind isn't fresh anymore.

Last night Sim picked up me and Isaiah, and we went to his house and at ham...We had rented Final Destination, so I finally got to see the first one after seeing the second a while ago. It's an interesting movie. Ooo Ooo the hot dude from xfiles is in it! I'll put a link to his pic later so you can see what I mean. Hehe manda, the episode I made you watch with the guy who eats people hehehe, that's the guy.

At yeah we burned food and in writing it went fast and the peopel sitting next to me were actually bearable!

Kate cancelled on me so I'm not walking to day, ah well...I have a massive amount of cleaning to do anyways...Fun stuff.

Now everyone is getting quite ticked off so I'm out.

EDITED:

My note: Isolation causes death. If it is in social situations and people isolate someone, then inside they die, and eventually dissapear. Isolation from food source causes death. Isolation from air causes death.

Oh there is a hot kid in my writing class. He doesn't say much, but he is quite nice on the eyes.

I was weird when I was young. I was looking through this school journal of mine and I was seriously obesses with fluffy white kittens. And kittens...Like in every other entry that is what I talked about, how I wanted a fluffy white kitten. That would be cute. But it's never even entered my mind since until just when I was reading it today.

It's funny how moods can swing like eating candy. I feel like I just ate lots of candy and then my mood went on spaz out happiness, but now it wore off. So the life that you always knew is back to slap you in the face and it hurts.

At youthgroup tonight I could not not be happy or excited. It's like all of a sudden I'm realizing how cliquey or something our group is. And I just pushed myself as close as I could to the wall away from them. I wasn't just pushing myself though, they were pushing me too. The only person I really talked to was Satya. She walked with me to get salt for my cancore sore and then started diagramming sentences on a white board of how I was hot. My mind is fogged up with all this school crap I need to get done and my mom and making sure I'm helping my dad out with this extra loaded work. I feel like I don't have time for friends. (or they don't have time for me?) Balancing, or trying to is so stressful. I wish when God lifted me up, He would keep me high...I hate falling and starting in this mess all over again. My head is heavy and my heart, and I feel like my sad mood makes me feel left out in my groups of friends, and then I distance myself, and then in the end they get offended by it, and augh. There are so many relationships with people to keep up with. Not just friends either. I find that since I've been hanging out more with people my age, my family has grown resentful towards me. And then there's those distant relatives who send you stuff and family friends, and then it weighs you down that you should say thanks or something, or at least talk to them. But these applications I apply myself in every day seem to get me no where? No matter how much school work I get done, there's always a fresh new load the next week. I'm emotionally, mentally, physically exhausted. I really need a massage.

::quoth anna:: at 1:22 PM

Monday, March 28, 2005

Kawack.

Thursday Night- The church I went to was interesting. I walked in the door and scanned the place. Youth here and there. I was with my dad and some pastor dude approached him and they started talking about america issues and crap. I just stood there looking at him because I didn't want to look at anyone else I gueess. All of a sudden behind me I hear youthy people talking saying this.

-who's that girl?
-oh isn't that isaiah's sister? isn't her name like anna or something?
-yea it sounds like anna (apple sound) but it's you say it on a.

and then a bit more chattering about it amongst themselves. It was odd, for I was standing right in front of them and I wasn't sure if they were saying it so loud cause they wanted me to turn around or what..? There were interesting people there...I just was crazy and random and I think they started to like me. Haha nate..
"Where's Josh?" (not my brother btw) "He's probably by a pop machine somewhere. That kid is obsessed with pop." Hehehe, the thougth of some kid in a dark hallway but the glowing of a soda machine, and him leaning on it chugging down pop like it's beer or something and no one should find him. Ahh good times..

Friday PLECH. Sim and my grandma came over and I think they were both annoyed that I had to leave to go to a boy's party. Sim was playing 20 questions with me about it, probably trying to find out if we're going to have sex or not. *rolling eyes*

The party was good I guess. We played pool, and then upstairs watched the pizza cook on the insane spinnyn cooker, and I drank 4 cans of pop. People played the football game and when the evile "naked" ladies came up we all screamed and the boys looked away. Haha... We jumped on Peter's trampoline with a bunch of people but Nikki and Britnee kept sitting down so it was hard, and then the vortex sucked me in cause it was slippery, so I slid towards the middle and fell down when they did that, cause I wasn't strong enough to resist it or something. Indigo Britnee and I had preplanned a random raiding of his room. While he was gone we shoved forks and spoons under his sheet and chopsticks under his pillow. Then we threw spoons on the top of his blanket and left...O.o
We watched Bubble boy and the incredibles and it was grand. After everyone mostly left me and manda went on the trampoline and Peter and Satya walked around his yard in the dark. *wink wink*

That night...I slept horrible cause Britnee stole the covers on her bed so yea..Good thing her house is incredibly warm. The next day Satya, Britnee, Manda and I walked around the little strip mall by her house and went to the pet store and looked at the animals and crap. Satya took a special interest in seeing the ferrets..hmm wonder why. Then I bought rainbow sherbert at rainbow and they ate it with forks and I with chopsticks as we looked around at blockbuster for movies. I had to go though after that so I didn't get to see them, augh. ...!!!!!*&*#^@&*#^ <-frusteration Instead my father picked me up and we went to the hospital for a couple of hours while we waited for mom to be drained. Which didn't work out well cause it's getting worse, oh joy. so I sat in this random lobby with really nice lighting and couches and watched cable. I ended up watching the birds. old fashioned hitchcock movie, it was cool except the ending was retarded. Anyways, later that day they made me clean while my brothers were at sim's house watching basketball. pish. and then i ended up watching the matrix, which is a wise movie, and then the grudge.

sunday i went to the LPCC for the easter breakfast thingert cause K8E invited me and I had thought, hey, I can miss woodland cause I really have no one special to want to see. The food was yummy and I got to see ruth and a bunch of people in spring dresses, heh. Steph dropped me off at woodland after that and yea, I missed seeing peter for food. OH YEA!!! I am coming back. Second service we just hung around as usual and yea...Heh, I complimented that random lady that always walks up to us and gives us hugs even though we hardly know her. And then she was so happy and said she had been self concious about that lately, and that i was gorgeous. Heh, she's humerous.

ICK. OK ICK. That afternoon sucked. We had random leftovers and our relatives came over and they exhaust me with their fake loving relationship with me. Sim was going on about how why are we always on the internet and he's kicking us off because no one can get through. He only wants to get through to see about how mom is. That isn't bad, no. But he is always so offended when I go away with friends and when I am around he doesn't like say anything to me. Augh. So I went upstairs in my closet which is currently locked cause i lost the key!!! GRRR. But anyways, I went up to my closet and cried. I'm just breaking down lately cause of all this crap that has been changing, and I hate change. Everyone seems like they hate me and I'm annoying or they're ingnoring me and acting different. I want it to stop. But it won't...

After they all left I went on the computer but then my brother started yelling to me that there was a blond girl in a van outside here for me. I was like, wha? Turns out the Langes are having a random thing at their house and the Becks were picking me up for it. So I went, and I had a marvelous time. We ate candy and then the youth group decided to walk around lake phalen. hehe. so it was a fun time. me and ruth took the bridge that was so out of the way so we had to turn back. and then the rest of the time me her and mellisa were running and speed walking trying to catch up with steph and alan and such people. we walked in groups of 4 sort of...katie and the girls were way behind, mark and the random boys were in the middle, and steph, cerise, alan, and isaiah were up front. and we were all around 1/4 a mile apart. Mellisa, Ruth and I weren't really in any of the groups. The whole time we were trying to get to the front. But wow they walk fast. But it was fun, a lovely day with sweatshirts on walking in the dark, the streetlights our light. And then I started singing phantom music at the top of my lungs and ruth started singing the sound of music. Hehe...Finally we caught up with them and that was nice.

Back at the Langes we ate fries and ham and lovely such things. I didn't leave til ten, for I was going to watch a movie with kate, steph, and cerise, but they're mom wanted me to leave i guess. ah well.

and then i came home and realized my closet key was gone so i had to sleep in my jeans.

joys.

::quoth anna:: at 11:31 AM

Thursday, March 24, 2005

I am here. I reside at the library on this Thursday early afternoon. Doing nothing much. I'm on their highspeed, and I shall soonly check out some books, maybe dvds, hmm who knows? Fweem, I am picking the cat fuzz off my hoodie, for it is attracted to it very much.

I was half hour late to hebrew class todah. (heh) My brother took me and he drives like a mad man, running red lights and going over the speed limit and crap. It's scary..Anyways he took a hugely wrong way and got us lost and stuff. It aggrivated me after a while but I didn't say anything. Oh no, I just keep my mouth shut and wait for us to end up in the right place, which is what eventually happened.

I'm ever so tired. I woke up at 10, true, but I went to bed at 1am for I stayed up reading some of this book by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Ooo, we have the same birthday! Although..he's dead. O.o But yea, It's not all that interesting but it teaches me random better christian things. Hmm...

Yesterday I woke up. No school, which is nice, except I haven't done any of my homework yet, and I really should start...Maybe later today? Oh yea my brother wants me to go to that banquet thing at my family's other church. I think I'll dress to my gothist abilities and scare them, haha. (Scare my brother's youthgroup friends who occasionally ask why his sister doesn't come, or so he says)

I ended up at Britnee's around 2:20 and Satya, Manda, Max, her, and I hung out there until like 5 when we went to church. We just watched tv and I stole some of her food and stuff. Church wasn't all that exciting. *thinks* No, nothing really...happened... I hung out with friends and yes. Oh, at around 8:50 when everyone was gone me and Todd went to their little kitchen and I used their microwave to make the cookies I had in a little bag soft. For we have no mircrowave. It was amusing. And yesterday night...no, nothing happened of muchness to speak about.

mornin'.

::quoth anna:: at 1:09 PM

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Not liking someone is weird...You feel like you should be iming them or something but no, you really don't want to...but your subconcious mind thinks you should. It's too complex to explain what I mean.

I always hated those stupid dictionary quizzes in like 3rd grade. They were tests on how to use the dictionary! How lame. I mean, flipping through the dictionary better really shouldn't be madee into a test, it's stupid..

So Monday....Hmm. I guess it was interesting. I went to prayer meeting. I really only spoke with Ruth a wee bit. And we "stole" candy and she got me some water and I wanted the purple cup so she transported the ice cubes into that one. O.o hehe randomness..
I finished my essay that day. I started it then too...We had to pick from like 12 topics and I chose, the person that has inspiried me as an artist, or something like that. So I picked my mom. Cause I dunno... It was interesting for that whole day she was pestering me about school and how i need to do more and a bunch of stuff that stressed me out so i snapped at her, and she cried, and yea. So at the end of the day she wanted me to read it outloud to her, and she didn't know what it was about see, and I really didn't want to, but she was going to cry if i didn't prolly, so I did. And when I finished she was all touched and said in a whisper, "Oh, I wasn't expecting that at all..." It was something that seemed to happen from a movie.
It's weird with her cancer lately. Like she's had it since I was in second grade and the chemo worked. But then in the fall it stopped responding and it kept getting worse. And now it's too severe for medical healingness. So she doesn't do much, no more helping me feel good when I'm sick, cause she's lying in bed. I have to make my own soup. And my dad is overworking himself, with work, and trying to help heal her with random natural things we read about. And the expenses of random pills. It sucks. It's almost like I lost her already. except for those random days when she gets a bit of strength and is chipper and optimistic. She has so much faith, it's insane.

Today I woke up very distressed. From my stupid dream that I hope never comes to reality...THAT WOULD SUCK. And the dream confused me for a little bit. But I think I'm back on track now...Hopefully.

I cleaned teh bathroom, which was so gross. Augh, except I blasted music so then it's ok. I went to art class...Ah scary eddy guy. This time he showed me the picture he was drawing and pointed to one of the physco people he drew and said, "that's you cause you're my angel!" (he draws angels) yeeea...almost done with my sarcastic city painting, yessss.

at home i was on the net. i ate food. and then i went to my room and watched the ending of malcom in the middle. I proceeded to watch that 70's show cause it amuses me, and i started to watch the simpsons after that but it was a boring episode. have you ever noticed that that show starts out and you think it's going to be about something, but it turns into some totally random different plot? yeaaa...

Then I was in a random mood and thought, hey? i don't need to get on aim for any reason. So I turned about fallen really loud and listened to the good mellow overplayed songs, like my immortal and hello and turned on my red christmas lights and layed in my bed and sang to my cat who kept licking my face. her tounge is rough and it scratched my cheek but it was cute when she got my hair caught in her mouth cause she started licking my head... Heh. So yea, I just lay there for a while and it was calming, and I thought.

Now I'm here and I'll leave soon I guess. Meh. It's all so weird.

::quoth anna:: at 8:38 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

Well...This has been one huge odd turn of everything. And maybe for the best too..? Yes, most definately.

Fiday was so nice. I went to Steph's party that was SO NOT for her birthday. And I really love being around her cause it makes me feel safe and happy and I'm under a good influence. So that turned out way more fun then I fathomed. We ate pizza and watched the incredibles, and me and Ruth stayed up til 5am talking to Jon about nothing of much importance. But, ha! We got a picture of him when he was like 4 so hehehe. At around 6am Ruth, Cristina, Elizabeth, and I ate root beer floats and brownies..O.o Fun stuff. Then I was tired so me and Ruth crawled into Steph's bed with some blankets and slept until 8:30am, I wanted more but Ruth convinced me to come downstairs with her. When we go there breakfast was waiting so we ate. After a while I was dropped off at home for reasons and then I scurried about getting things done...Meg and Elizabeth came over ...O.o that was interesting. I think she's loosing her preppy wanna be thing. Later dad dropped me off at the Lange's church and we ate lunch there and then drove to the Shoreview community center. We had great fun there even though I hate swimming suits. Plech.

Around 7 or something I got dropped off at Sarah's and then after a while she was feeling guilty about some crap or something so then she told me. She likes Peter, blah blah blah. And I don't know what I wanted to do then. I wanted to cry, yes, and I almost did, but I just acted like I ddn't care much, cause I mean..I don't know. But anyways after that weird night was church in the morning and I had a lovely time there. After it was over Manda, Max, Britnee and I walked to SA and bought random things like poptarts, dill pickle chips and drinkerts. Then after a while at church Sean and Pilar came and Phase one was opened for us so we hop skipped around there. Me and Pilar played ddr and that was humerous :D Then some of us played Lightning and randomly shot hoops. I ended up falling asleep on one of the couches on tomato to the worship team practising. Which was nice for they played lovely songs like, Surrender, and the Let my words be few one. Sunday Praise was great and Todd is humerous to sit next to for he makes peculiar comments. O.o hehe..

Well when I got home the night just sucked. Yea I really don't want to get into that much but basically Satya convinced me to talk to peter or something about, I don't even know. Well I just ended up ticked off and so I left...Heh, leaving poor Todd and Jon. So then I shut myself in my closet and blasted evanescence and staind and linkin park and stuff and cried in the dark for a while. After some hate swept over me I decided, I'm getting rid of this. So I took my photo album and ripped up a bunch of pictures I had of Peter, or cut him out of some that I was keeping just case he was in them and stuff. I kept a few of him, but only ones that someone else was in too. So that was really fun!! I put them in a bag, a huge pile of ripped up pictures. And hopefully I'll take them over to Manda's house and we'll burn them in her backyard cause she said we could, so that will be fantabulous!!

That took a while cause I had to make a few different stacks and I did it in an organized fashion. By then my tears were gone cause I was distracted. I fell asleep to dashboard. Good stuff for this.

This morning Nate woke me up by putting clem on top of me and asking if I wanted some of his cereal. So that made me alive and I got some, cause no one turns down good tasting non nutriental food in this house. Except my parents. Then later I was trying to write this essay for the school I want to go to next year and I started thinking. And guess what!?!?! I DON'T LIKE PETER ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes! It's true. I'm not just saying it to pursade myself, but I really don't. I'm fed up with his weird lying and whatever the heck he was doing. I got fed up with him changing his mind so much and everything else. Except now I really don't want to talk to him at all, like he's not even my friend for it just kind of bugs me now. Iunno, maybe some day I'll go back to being his friend. But for now I think it's best if I just stay away from him and hang out with like Pilar and Sean and Max and Britnee and Todd and Manda and Indigo and all those people at church.

I sort of feel like the phantom. (of the opera) Cause like at first she liked him it seemed, but then she went to rarual (sp) and then she seemed to like them both at the same time but then in the end she chose rarual cause the phantom was too murderous or something...O.o Meh. So yes. Now I am a free bird and I have many other things that consume my time instead of some boy. Hehe talking with Katie and Steph helps cause they are always saying how bad and gross boys are. Oh yes, they are! :)

dashboard confessional-the best deceptions

I heard about your trip.
I heard about your souveneirs.
I heard about the cool breeze in the cool nights
And the cool guys
That you spent them with.
I guess I should have heard of them from you
I guess I should have heard of them from you

Don't you see, don't you see,
That the charade is over?
And all the best deceptions
And the clever cover story awards
Go to you.
So kiss me hard cause this'll be the last time that I let you.

You will be back someday,
And this awkward kiss that tells of other people's
lips
Will be of service
to giving you away.

I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wished you could
Set things right between us.
I guess I should have heard of that from you
I guess I should have heard of that from you

So don't you see, don't you see,
That the charade is over?
And all the best deceptions
And the clever cover story awards
Go to you.
So kiss me hard cause this'll be the last time that I let you.

You will be back someday,
And this awkward kiss that screams of other people's
lips
Will be of service
to giving you away.
to giving you away.

I'm waiting for blood
To flow to my fingers
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.
Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing,
I'd rather you never heard my voice.
You're calling too late,
Too late to be gracious.
And you do not warrant long good-byes.
You're calling too late,
You're calling too late.

Now someone needs to get on aim so I can screw my away message and tell someone about this new found-ation!

::quoth anna:: at 2:07 PM

Thursday, March 17, 2005

So today I realized some stuff. I won't share what I mean for it's a personal battle that I've been dealing with that confuses me..

I have a toothache. Wow..I'm almost over a stupid cold and I get a toothache, what the crap is that?

I went to hebrew, it was ok. I got most of my homework done in time for class, which was good. Listened to dashboard on my cd player on the drive and such.

We went to OCB and guess what. There was that mentally disabled guy working there and he was all smiling and walks up to me and gives me a green balloon. It was funny I guess, but it sorta scared me... And then later on he walked up to our table and mumbles about pretty girl pretty balloon. See and now I'm scared for no good reason.
And the people in the booth behind us!! It was three african american girls in their like 20s and they were talking about...i don't even know!! Like..something about gay people and them cussing people out and blah blah blah swear swear swear, laugh evily. Turns out one of them worked there and so she collected our plates now and then. Then I was so scared of her...She acted all nice, but then went back to her table and started swearing and laughing. Wow...

We then went to the hospital to see my mum, poor dear. And in the parking lot there I let my balloon go and watched it soar high up into the clouds, until it dissapeared into them. Oh how I wish I was a balloon. While we were in my mom's room there Isaish's trying to turn the volume up on the remote thinger and he accidentally pushed the call nurse button!! *slaps head* and my mom was just nicely like, oh isaiah there is no volume. and so i look at the thing and i'm like, umm it's actually on the side of it. And so i turn it up. Then the nurse comes in..Oy. So every time one of them came in I had to talk to them cause Isaiah was to shy.

We got home and i got on here and talked with people. meh, life.

last night was ok i guess...

i still think...well you know.

nothing worth mentioning i guess about that. peter gave me return thin mints. so we are even.

now to leave.

::quoth anna:: at 8:16 PM

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Still sick. grrr. I'm still going to church though tonight, no doubt! If I didn't I would die.. I already missed going to the movie thing whatever last night, oh great, and so I shall definately not miss church. Besides I went to YEAH today so that makes up for it. Except I have this problem see...Tomorrow is hebrew (what's new) and i have done none of my homework due to the face that it's very hard to concentrate when you're nose is running and you're eyes are getting watery and you're coughing up a fur ball practically! So yea, either I go tomorrow with some of it not done, or none at all, or someonehow accomplish it all tonight.

My nose, oh so stuffy...grr..

Heh, I noticed that me and my dad are too nice or something. See we're eating tacos, and there was a little amount of tomatoes on a plate, and when we go back to make our taco, even though there's like two left we don't want to take all of it, so we take one, cause we don't want to eat the last one. It's humerous.

Disected an owl pellet in science today. It was odd..We had to take out the bones in it and identify what kind of animals it was eating. How interesting...There was like claws and beaks and stuff too, ha.

augh, i feel and look like crap though. i'm at this point where i don't even want to go to church cause i feel so horrid about myself. oh it's hard...

::quoth anna:: at 1:48 PM

Monday, March 14, 2005

Hahaha, I'm listening to finding eternity's other song that i ripped onto my computer from britnee's cd. Heh...$1.50 a song. :D

Ok. So blast it I'm sick. A cold. It's horrible. I can handle flu's and stuff, but i HATE colds. My head get's all stuffed up and I feel like I'm living in a dream, and the lights hurt my eyes. And my nose is all red and it hurts. Oy. So I've been drinking quarts of different kinds of teas and yea. I do hope I get better by Wednesday or I'll just have to die. I think it may be getting better...(trying to be positive)

Saturday was lovely. I got to attack Indigo at her house, and when I arrived she had recently got her lips unglued. And it was all my fault...Heh. We hung out in her room for a wee bit, it is such a nice room too, lots of wonderful pictures all over. Then we went to the mall near her and that was fun. She bought me lovely things that I shall cherish fooorever! (except maybe the ice cream. O.o) Mrp, we never did find some dudeman to follow around though, saddening. We went back to her house for a bit and she gave me more lovely stuff! She is a lovely wife. :P After fleeing her house we saw poto, it was lovely, except for the people talking behind us...grr...But after it was over we bought candy and I decided to walk right into her. Lol, humerous...When I came home I listened to the random songs from poto I had and then went to sleep around 1 or something.

Sunday was ok. I got to church around 9:30 cause I decided to sleep in a bit, and meh. Then we all hung out for second service in the vending machine room. Max brought his blue guitar..and so we all sat around strumming on it and singing and scaring the people that walked through. Then some of us decided after church to go out ot eat. It took a while cause people wanted different things. Satiya wanted subway, and manda wanted nachos. Britnee, Autumn, Sean, Pilar, and me wanted chinese so then we ended up at the weird small chinese place by church. Wow! We had some weird conversations...Actually it was alot of Britnee taking things very pervertedly, like "6 inches" and stuff like that. She started crying she was laughing so hard, and so yea. It was an enjoyable but odd time. And Sean was quite nice and took the check and payed for it when we didn't realize, and he wouldn't take our money. Lovely person.

But yea, now I'm sick and it sucks. And I'm listening to poto. My nose feels like a foot...or maybe an egg. I never can tell these things..

::quoth anna:: at 1:10 PM

Friday, March 11, 2005

Tis a random boring Friday and so I was like, wow I really need to change my template. So I did. I may change the picture but i like this for now.

i don't have any links to past blogs or anything, but oh weel. i guess we'll all live...

so yea, if you have any comments on it, then you may obviously comment.

u kno>> i keep missing u cant stop thinking of u ur always on my mind this is 4u Dreams- I dream of you I don't think you care But when I dream You're always there I wait for you I want you there I love you so A feeling I hope you share Love me The way I love you Hold me The way I long to hold you Never will my dreams come true But when I dream And dream I do I will always dream of you

he was a nice kid...

AUGH. I can not express how lame this whole thing is. It's like i'm picking a flower and saying, he loves me he loves me not. WHAT THE FRUITCAKE IS IT!?!?

by the way i'm not talking about kiddo anymore.

so yea. i'm shoving myself into the walls this friday and going ahhh. and yea. whatever i do...

::quoth anna:: at 4:26 PM

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I was listening to the radio a little bit ago while I tried finishing my hebrew homework. (Which thankfully didn't take as long as I thought. It was about an hour and a half...) I still couldn't translate 3 things though... Anyways. All of a sudden stupid boulevard of broken dreams comes on. Images flash through my head of my throwing the radio out the window and watch it land it the night with a smash and it would fly into millions of pieces. Or kicking the radio violently againts the wall. Oh that would be so nice... I really hate green day. Why? That stupid american idiot song. And the stupid bolevard of broken dreams songs music video makes no sense! Auhft. Do not like...But I bet you if i let myself I would like them heh, but i'm not letting myself. For the singer really has a cool voice...

Random comment.

Hmmm...art team, boring. WHERE WAS THE DINNER. I am so hungry right now. My tum is mad at me and wants me to eat. And I hate stuffing up on junk food, it makes me feel gross. I need nutrients to grow!

WHY's motto: Sex is bad and Jesus is black.

hehehe...lovely jokes.

They played happy music like finding eternity and poto so me and Satiya skipped around and sang.

Ooo I got accepted to the preforming arts academy. Now I just have to turn in my letter of reccomendation and my 5 paragraph essay..oyvi. So hopefully I'll do well with that and the Lord will help me if it is His will and such.

Wow I crammed all my science and writing homework in last night, and I crammed all my hebrew homework in tonight... Heh, in writing we're learning how to write 5 paragraph essays, and our topic is spoons. I think I'll write about the abnormal uses of them...Sticking them on your nose and whatnot.

Tuesday I was on the internet for far too long as usual. Nothing much there. Making progress on my painting in art class...OH I hate that person man who comes to paint at 1. (which is around the time i show up even though my class is at 12:30..) Anyways his name is Eddy and I think he's mental. Seriously though he has some sort of disability..it's scary. What I'm afraid of..that's what I'm with. And what's even more scary is that he's always telling me how beautiful I am or how I'm such a good looking girl. And he doesn't even know how to spell my name! He spells it Annia or something. Which I must admit though is quite pretty to look at...(The name Annia I mean) But it's not mine. So yea he freaks me out. He's quite repeatetive too... I could tell you exactly what he'll say to me every Tuesday.

Ed: "How's your mom doing?"
Me: "Um, she's ok"

What else can I say to some mental psycho victim? I'm afraid she might be dying of cancer?? Um think again.

And every time I finish my art he always says, "I love it!" Even before he sees it, and then he goes on about how it takes a steady hand to do art that's why he does it cause he has a steady hand, blah blah. I mena, I'm ok with it. But I'm really just freaked out by it all. And he's always drawing angels...No matter what sort of picture he does, there's ALWAYS an angel in it. Kinda odd...

On Sunday night me and Manda walked at around 10:30pm to this place in cottage grove and then swung on these swings on some really small playground. It was so relaxing. I felt like I was swinging into the night sky filled with stars. And the breeze was just so nice. Then I got paranoid after a bit so we walked to this garganteon hill and we climbed it. After slipping on this ice a few times we made it up, and we were under this huge electric poll or something, and it was fun. Then we gazed upon cottage grove and talked about nothing of much importance. It was just nice to sit and hug myself inside my sweater and look out onto the stars.

I awoke in her lving room on monday under a down comforter. Wow I want one...Around 11ish we got a ride to perkins and then we shared some food. heh..we ran out of money so the waitress only got a quarter tip, but she was nice! See she offered us strawberries on our pancakes, but forgot to tell us that it cost extra money. pish.

last friday i did go to the leones play and it was quite fun. ben was hilarious and alex, ah such lovely young brother's in christ. :P Then Ben sat in the row behind ours and he gave me his hat to wear for a bit. HATS ARE GOOD for wearing in a well lit room cause it blocks out the light...

so wise..

now i am beckoned off cause of sleep..and my mad mother..

::quoth anna:: at 12:09 AM

Friday, March 04, 2005

listening to amy lee sing a smashing pumpkins song which is really rather interesting.

it's friday. currently i am doing nothing of much consequence. oh..i suppose i should go print off my science homework, meh, that will come later.

anyways, screwing around with aim sounds and whatever and now i have a headache. listening to a very very good song...so close.

Maybe tonight I'll go to the play thing...don't know what i'll do tomorrow. Last weekend was nice.. I stayed at home the whole time and no one else was really here and i just downloaded crap. But life can't go how you want it always..

Hopefully I can send in my forms for the arts academy schooler place. And hopefully I'll be accepted..It'd be so nice to go downtown for school and see people and do theater.

You know what's sad? Up until a year or two afo I realised that my middle name is spelled with an s and not a z. And today I just learned I've beeen spelling my other middle name wrong all my life. So here it is, *deep breath* and this better be right. Everything I've been signing is false...

Anna Elisabeth Kathryn Buck

I like that spelling..It's unique and i have a y in my name. That's great...

I don't know how this post may sound to the reader, if there is one at all seeing as I'm a pretty moronic person who is used only when needed. Never just wanted..Anyways that's a different topic.

Everything I do is all my fault.
I guess now Shanna is my fault and I'm a sucky friend. Go figure.
If I just act quiet and stuff that's all my fault in the end.
The condition of my guitar is all my fault, even though my brother gave it to me like that..

Oh I'm a screw up.

I was reading this old journal of mine and now I see why no one liked me. I sounded like good two shoes, queen of the world, do it my way.

Wow..newsflash.

Yesterday Wednesday, those were ok days. People were rather hyper at hs service. But it was nice.

That's all for now..

::quoth anna:: at 11:51 AM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

"all these things i'm trying to be..."

and that about sums it up.

this post may make no sense by the way.

random thoughts darting around in my head

i do not want to go to art class but i must. gr.

the random lonely child who can't keep it straight.

wow it just sucks

::quoth anna:: at 12:31 PM