Life of Buck

Saturday, November 26, 2005

i love discovering new moosic to listen to. all of a sudden i feel i'm in a dire (is this even a word?) need for new combat boots. true mine are suppose to last quite a while more, and sure they do. but everyone still practically thinks their snow boots if i don't wear short pants with them or something. i really want the steel toed, combatness to rub off on me. like these
also i want to get a couple new cds...

haha i'm in love!!! click here for the amazing kidd-o. (note: not reccomended for dial up users)

so my day has been filled with homework homework and homework. i was working on hebrew since and stopped to take a break at 6:30 and then this 9:30 one. And I still haven't really accomplished half of it. But you know...progress.

LAst night I ended up going to this ultra orthadox Jew household, and what a marvelous experience it was. I actually ate gafeltafish for the first time, which is really distasteful in my opinion, but managable with horseradish sauce.

i just can't put it's lovelyness in to words..
the kids...awwww so CUTE

i really like watching cops and america's most wanted. i liked when the cops had to use the tazor gun and the dog had to chow down on the incompliant man's ankle. good stuff. not sure which one i like better. cops has some of the most interesting people. like guys who try to steal flamigos that are drugged up. but america's most wanted give's better stories..so yea. hard to pick.

oh and about the last post, it's a story sean found yesterday when i was talking to him on his computer and showed me the amazingness of it. so i just had to post it, but the computer kinda screwed it up. so yea....that's that.

now i'm alone and tired and bored and procrastinating a little for the rest of my homework.

kevin max can be good..

Kevin Max-Your Beautiful Mind

The question is where did this begin
Who authored and who finished it
Such a beautiful world
But such a twisted plan
For it to end before we really lived in it

Oh tell me why this is happening
Oh tell me should I believe in anything

I find your beautiful mind in everything
But everything can make me believe
I find your beautiful eyes see everything
So show me something beautiful please

Corporation's rights
As the working man will fall
We bit the apple, now the apple's eating us
We won our fifteen minutes
Then we won it all
Watch our own image bleeding us
I feel so cold and I'm growing old
Come on now just finish it

Oh tell me what's the purpose of love
She looks the best when she just walkes away

I find your beautiful hands make everything
And everything is all I need
I find your beautiful eyes see everything
So show me something beautiful please

I can not figure it
Tell me Lord
Please show me Lord
Let me see it

Is there a code that I can't crack?
My life is slipping right off the tracks
Don't even know if I want it back
So take it away from me

I find your beautiful mind in everything
And everything is all I need

I find your beautiful eyes see everything
So show me something beautiful
I find your beautiful eyes see right through me
So show me what You want me to be

::quoth anna:: at 9:44 PM

Friday, November 25, 2005

"The life of Dan, no last name:
No one knew sure why he didn’t have a last name. People just called him Dan and that was that. Not many knew of his childhood or of his family for that matter they just thought up many stories and told them to children. Not to scare them but to always look for more than what there was, only telling the part of the story that kept them guessing for more. The children would learn something, longing for more a good quality for a kid but as they grew up there longing for the end of the stories, for the suspence to be over, to hear of a happy ending. The end of the story was what they longed for and happyness in the end is what they expected.
shnizel1212: This story is not like that this story does not end happily or for that matter it does not end at all. This story is of all the little thingy that are stored up in your head and just trying to escape. This is not a comic and there will not be pictures along the way.

Not many knew of the green old farm house in the middle of nowere where Dan had lived for the past 10 and 1/2 years. The viligers of his little town only herd, old so called fairy tales of Dan and his “honting”. A laughing matter really the parents who told these fairy tales only thought they would get a laugh or two by scaring there children. But really all they were doing s putting unfinished stories in the childrens heads"

::quoth anna:: at 10:16 PM

Thursday, November 24, 2005

remember when i said i had pictures? yes well here's some..

shadow of me

lovely foster child

watching clifford

curling the hair

playful kittens

comfortable

how loveable

Bible thumper. (just joshin your tators)

curled hair

more curled hair

my wall of fame

green grass...

paper clips

::quoth anna:: at 12:19 PM

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

everything's fell apart...everyone seems to hate eachother. and then hating me because i'm not taking sides but they think i'm taking the other persons side.

i thought this first holiday without my mom would be ok, i wasn't too sad. but now i wish she was here...

i just don't want everyone fighting and be hypocrites and gossiping. i get enough of that already at school and crap. some vaca this is. i want to go to sims but i think my brothers with hate me than and think i'm a trader(?)

maybe i'm better off just going to amanda's. at least they're one of those not too many effecting problems for the most part play cards with their old aunts and uncles and stuff..

::quoth anna:: at 10:29 PM

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

sometimes some fish like cheese.

it's funny remembering last year around this time. i remember going to church the day before thanksgiving and we had extra computer lab time and i was showing peter my blog, and i had written that i suck in really big letters and he said, "Awww, I don't think you suck." And I liked him then so I cherished those words for infinity.

Yep, life is quite random...and those aim stalker days...

HAHAHAHA...i remember that website..

"When we're together I feel perfect. When I'm pulled away from you I fall apart. Though you stay a secret to me. Your eyes are so blue, I can't look away, as we lay in the stillness you whisper to me, Anna marry me, promise you'll stay with me"

heh, it's one of those things that are quite funny to look back upon.
but in essence, was really saaad. on my part.

so in news, i got a cell phone, so ask me for the number, and if you have sprint i can talk to you for however long you wish because it'd be free for us.

last friday was fnl, and i was excited that day for it, but everything just got weird, and before the rivera concert i was at a breaking point almost, so i gathered natalie and we went into the prayer room and prayed. and..it was an amazing refreshing time. do you know that feeling you get in your stomach when you're in love and all giddy and everything inside of you just flips and you can't stop smiling, and your eyes shine? well i felt that! but for Jesus. and that is what made me exhuberantly happy.

than dwayne polk, hehe, ended up joining us, and then satya and andi came in! and andi started praying for his friend and ended up in tears, ..just..wow.

eventually satya natalie and i remained in the room and prayed more. we missed the whole concert...but i didn't care. rivera is good but God is way better.

later, sean h, barbie, britnee, nikki, and i ended up walking to sojourners. sean is really funny in a subtle way. the whole time he walked ahead of us and had this whole, i'll protect you all from the gang bangers, air about him. (it was like 10:30 at night on the east side) one time this car kept honking at us in the taco bell parking lot and he kept trying to stare them down. it was funny yet very strange at the same time....

anyways to make a long story short, i went back to britnee's with nikki for the weekend. and they put curlers in my hair and we lazed about, and played stupid graphic ps games. like crash and spyro the dragon and stuff. we watched left behind 3 and napoleon dynamite. good stuff...

i ate a very hot pepper on accident that constantly burned my mouth for ten minutes and made my face seriously turn bright red. it was crazy man.

sunday they put me in preppy clothes and my hair was curly and i had more makeup than i would ever think to put on. i beared through it though.

i had to go out with aunt k. and she seemed a little less emotional than usual, almost like she heard that i've said bad things about her and was tightening up like a corn stalk. suspicious.

i spent the night at manda's after covenant groups, and we only have one more day of school tomorrow and than freedom for four whole days. with church the night before! what joys..

i'm having a few problems at school with someone but i can't really get into detils without gossiping. oyvi, it has something to do with needing my space though.

acting classes=BLARG

so yea.

i'll post some pics of that later, currently this keyboard isn't quite working for that task..

thoughts of the day:

having lost one parent makes you very frightful as to loosing the second. it's like, once this one is gone, there's no one to fall back on..no other parental figure to trust and love. it'd be a whirlwind of grief.

arthur quote of the day:
(if i can remember it properly)

arthur: prunella..is this your hair?

---edit

actually i was reading michelle's comment (i feel for you dear, and i'm glad you didn't have cancer, your blog won't let me comment so that's why i'm writing to you here, and i'll definitely listen to whenever you need to vent) and i ended up looking at some picture of my mom. so i'm posting some pictures of my madre, that almost captures the essence of her..

my dad, her, and me

hehe, definitely a joke.

her holding me as a wee child

heh, i think she took this picture with josh when he was in jail

a picture i took of her in Israel. (yes i realize i sorta got in the way)

she always smiled alot..and when i was pouting or overdramatizing something instead of getting impacient with me she's just make some silly funny joke that at the time i'd get quite irritated with. she was so sweet and gentle, and loved so many people. i wish i could be more like her..

::quoth anna:: at 7:21 PM

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

i'm eating skin. turkey skin...aka FAT. not like it's going to have any effect on me, because i have the gaining weight disease.

so starting from sunday, todd made me a cake. it said: happy birthday anna, except not really.

but then they ate it while i was in worship. they meaning the silly boys. but apparently sean said not to.
church was fun, natalie was cute, she kept shooing Andy away because we were having "Anna Natalie Time" heh :D

after church my dad took me and britnee to the olive garden and we frood. soo good...i had wine sauce on my chicken and linguine.

then we went to maplewood mall and i bought britnee some stuff, and manda and natalie something too. i'd rather give things to people really. i feel like i don't need anything. meh. I think Jesus fills me up so much that I couldn't really ask for something more. Sure I like it when people give me things, because, it always seems to just be perfect...I like my friend's clothes.

had small group that night, we did alot of worship, and that was lovely. amanda is an AMAZING singer, and natalie can play the guitar quite well in my opinion.

did homework that night or something.

monday school was meh. after regular classes during art i didn't do much, watched people's dances. it makes me wish i could do ballet.

today was the same thing. except our class did work on james dean. that stupid dance where i have to shake my hips and make sure i look mysterious, but not like i'm cutting myself. (or so jay says) Definitely not inviting family members to the showcase.

satya tried showing me how to indian dance, didn't work so well. heh.

i trudged home in the rain. and now i sit here thinking about my carrot story. yes i wrotee a story for english about a carrot. inspired by amanda. she's amazing creative, it makes me smile.

haha world history and spanish with her are lovely. she braids your hair during the lame old movie, and draws silly pictures. and in spanish writes you silly notes so you break out in silent laughing fits.

yes i like going to the gay school when i'm there. except for the times when mr BISGUINES is being stupid. which is often, but when he's extra stupid. it makes me want to scream and walk down the hallway, out of class. sometimes i wonder if i could excel better in algebra if the teacher was better.

the morning is hard though. waking up, placing your cold feet on the freezing wood floor. (because it's 56 degrees in your house) ((no we haven't turned the heat on yet this year)) (((i think my dad's waiting for december))) and findig clothes to wear, and walking in the cold air to the bus. and making sure you geet to the bus at a reasonable time. oh man. it all makes me tired just thinking about it. but i haven't had much homework lately due to the fact i've been getting it done in school. (i did all the algebra homework in class for 2 days straight now!)

but yea. that's me.

bored in the wilkins.

city from the bus

::quoth anna:: at 5:58 PM

Saturday, November 12, 2005

sometimes myspace makes me want to just curl up and die.

i feel like watching the goonies. i haven't watched that in forever.

i'm rather dulled at the moment. i should clean or do hebrew. or maybe call someone.
i'm so use to being gone every second of my life now.

anyways to update.

wednesday church was quite lovely. britnee broke up with max. amazing. me and satya hung out with alex and his cube he could make into a cobra for a while. and then peter jon and sean came. all amusing children. and then peter had to take a picture of jon's hands and yea. natalie, andy, and pilar came and then things were hopping. after service and worship i talked with andy a few different times about stuff like bob dylan and thrift stores and me being rich. he's a healthy catch.

slept over at manda's with britnee that night.

thursday after school on the bus ride home was rather odd. the bus driver i could tell right away was a curious man.
a little while later a guy with this HUGE afro walked in and after he walked by the driver turned to me and started laughing and later made some sort of he'd need a bigger hat size comment. O.o

and then he started asking me if i've lived on the east side all my life and how it's changed. i told him some things haven't, like the trees. and he later asked me if i liked trees more than the normal person. i told him no. and then he said he did, and went on to talking about trees and treehouses and how squirrels are very terrotorial.

yea it was weird. he reminded me of someone from the xfiles, who secretly turned into a self desire controlled monster who eats peeoplee's brains. that was a good episode.. man i miss the days i would sit and watch xfiles with nate. xfiles is probably one of the best shows ever. besides arthur and seinfeld.

and on friday a different bus driver man was talking to me. he asked me if the girl with the black curly hair (manda) tanned!? i was like..umm yea kinda..

and later he started talking about his 12 year old trouble making son who talks to girls alot and it gets him in trouble. so i asked him if he wanted me to pray for him, and he said that he suppose i should. we talked about church, and apparently he thought satya, manda, and i were bad girls because sometimes we wear all black. but we talk about carrots with black beaty eyes, and todd being a women when we're on the bus. not very observant..

he talked to me about how he should get his family going back to church and eating around the dinner table, and i ended up telling him my mom died because he asked about my mom. weird... i never want to see ihm again. manda and satya, we are never taking taking that bus he drives to church ever again! he's watching us..

we had a bunch of showcase cruff at school yesterday, and satya told me how much i sucked at shaking my hips. another thing i can't do.

i ended up going there last night. satya's i mean. she had an india presentation for people who supported her and her mom made really good rum cake and chai tea and other stuff. what a lovely time. then pearl gave me hip shaking lessons, and we watched lost. satya didn't really like that..

today i took a walk around phalen with my dad and Shirley, and 'saiah. andd we went shopping and i am home..

yea i'm going to stop listening to evanescence now and do something better.

"Will you forgive me again? I don't know what I said. but I didn't mean to hurt you..

I heard the words come out, I felt that I would die. It hurt so much to hurt you.

Then you look at me, you're not shouting anymore. You're silently, broken.

I'd give anything now, to kill those words for you. Each time I say something I
regret I cry, I don't wanna loose you, but somehow I know you will never leave me.

Cause you were made for me, somehow I'll make you see, how happy you make me. Ohh..

I can't live this life, without you by my side. I need you to survive.

So stay with me. You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry...

And you forgive me again, you're my one true friend, and I never meant to hurt you."

This song makes me think of insense, and rainy days. Driving home with mom. When I liked peter.

Ok now I'm listening to think twice, which makes my heart sparkle.

Oh btw, thanks Jon for the cd.

::quoth anna:: at 6:00 PM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

hey.. i should do that sometime..that'd be fun!

today when i was riding home in the bus i looked in the window of this hardware store, and in the display window was a cat bed, and all of a sudden this siamese cat jumps up and sits in it. it was amazing!

it's amazing how much i've crammed into my brain since coming to this school.

so on saturday, i went irish dancing, (so fun) at a pub. and i like the way my clothes smell afterwards, all smokey and stuff. i usually don't like cigarette smoke, but just something about this pub..they give out free popcorn.

and later i went to natalie's house and hung out with her, pilar, and nat's borther andy for the rest of the night. we went to subway, walgreens, pilar smacked me in the face, we rented some movies, it was good! i like her house. and andy's quite amusing to hang out with. he always says blood, and then tells himself he has to stop saying that or he'll get shot. we watched speak, and never been kissed. speak was good. never been kissed was so chick flicky, hehe, but andy even watched it with us. and apparently natalie informed him that i'm his future wife, so it's all good. (to my brothers- a joke silly!)

the next morning we had....HOT APPLE CRISP WITH VANILLA ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST!! it was so good.

church was good bad, kinda ho hum, didn't talk to people much.

in the afternoon i lollygagged and went out to eat with my padre. ate yummy food and went to covenant groups. and later ended up spending the night at manda's with britnee and nikki. i had fun.

monday is gone..what'd i do..oh! i had parent teacher conferences for forever. i didn't have to go but i decided to anyways. i got a lot of b's and 2 a's. it makes me mad. espeically because i try my hardest and still get a b. (arts i mean) i'm jealous of you manda. the highest grade i have is in litereature. a 95.5 a. the class is super easy. and to sum up what all the teachers said, (and it took until 9:15pm to get out of there, such a long day!)

Anna is a sweet girl who's very respectful and quiet, her class is very loud, and I appreciate her silence. But she needs to learn how to have mroe confidence, or, singing is a new skill for her, or, you need to work on your breathing, and your core.

eh. and that's the extent of what they all said. arts classes mroe so towards the bottom. i work hard they say, but i guess it's not hard enough. oh well..

spanish test was today. plech. going to go eat and do homework now..i had some mint ice cream to tide me over, earlier.

::quoth anna:: at 6:28 PM

Friday, November 04, 2005

have you ever had those moments where you miss someone so much and you can't hold them or feel them, so you search desperately for something to wrap your arms around and squeeze? you find a blanket and bundle it up or a pillow and squeeze as tight as you can and bury your face into it's warmth. but it only hurts more. it only chokes you up more inside and burns your heart.

i was reading stuff in my journal tonight and how much easier life was a year ago, two years ago. i thought it so hard then..but now i wonder why i took advantage of it so much... i guess i'm in one of those lonely-nothing-to-do-but-put-yourself-down-friday-night moods. they suck. sorta relaxing though. i can go to bed whenever i want, and wake up whenever i please.

today for masters classes i did nothing really cause i'm not good enough in acting or dance to have a part in the showcase for our parents, or whatever to get a part. i don't mind much. i was able to goof off mostly..i did some pilates wiht manda and christine. (hehe christine, the whole wall leg partner stretching thing. ^_^) and then manda left to dance, and i told adam that really long red house cheerios story and he said afterwards he wanted to throw himself over the balcony. heh. there was a band playing there so the place was vibrating. (not relient k though)

miss pilates took some of us out for a refreshing pilates walk around downtown. so we were walking backwards in this group, and i took a bunch of photos. so maybe in a little while i'll post a link to see an online albumn of them up soon or something.

yep that's me..

------------------djghhddfghf

ok so i made an albumn on msn. click here and it should work if you go to the drop down menu and choose the galloping downtown pictures. yep..otherwise i'll murder it in it's sleep. or try here

::quoth anna:: at 9:49 PM

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I found the slick song we dance to in Mt dance that makes us think of leather jackets. And I'm posting the lyrics, risque as they are..

It's by some guy..

I could make James Dean the music scene
I could be a big star like that man called Queen
I could put them fly moves with the dancefloor dream
But if she can't seem to notice me
Then what's it worth now

Could have my teeth flashing a Brad Pitt smile
Be wearing Versace 'cause that's my style
I could get my hair cut by the extra mile
But if she can't make it worth my while
Then what's the point now.

I wanna know if you're busy
I wanna know if you're doing anything tonight
I wanna know if you missed me
I wanna know baby
I wanna know

I wish that I could kiss your lips
the way that I
I want to baby
I wish that I could be your man
I wish that you could be my lady.

I could be Sly Stone of the Family Crew
I could be big Bad Daddy Warbucks and love you too
I could be knocked senseless by what you do
But if it's pain that you put me through it isn't love now
I made up my own darn mind
I'm getting no love after all this time
I'm gonna make music 'till my brain is fried
Because you can't see the man inside
It ain't enough now

I wanna know if you're busy
I wanna know if you're doing anything tonight
I wanna know if you missed me
I wanna know baby
I wanna know (repeat 2x)

I wanna know

I wish that I could kiss your lips
The way that I
I want to baby
I wish that I could be your man
I wish that you could be my lady

I wanna know if you're busy
I wanna know if you're doing anything tonight
I wanna know if you missed me
I wanna know baby
I wanna know

yep.

my thoughts earlier today conjunctioned with something i remembered i was suppose to do today, sorta, went like this...

i hate dissapointing people. that's all there is to it. i feel i can't keep up with everyone, and then i end up just making a bunch of people mad or sad at my face.

mm..

over tired. but tomorrow's friday. and seriously i think i should just go home and GO TO BED. i need sleep. this week was fast but long...i feel like tuesday was forever ago..even though it was only 2 days ago. iunno. life is weird. had interesting talks with ben tonight in arbys and whatnot. was at the maplewood library. not much luck as far as monolouges go..whatever.

random slur of cruff i put together..hope no one is offended by such..

::quoth anna:: at 10:22 PM

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

whoa...so i recently bought an AMAZING digital camera (recently as in yesterday) and i've been taking many pictures...here is a taste of some. i had to resize them to make them smaller than they were...but yea..

yes, manda and me are amazing.

i forgot what satya was talking to manda about..

haha the amazing shopping list manda got carried away with.

samara? O.o

Manda and Raven are in love!

I like it. It needs no explanation.

hehe Rachel..

The scurburly man pumpkin I made Manda.

where i do ballet

fool!

so yea..my latest preoccument. lots more pictures coming...*whistles innocently*

today when i was waiting for my bus alone at dusk in downtown i notice there was a whole family of field mice not far away chasing eachother around in the leaves, and then a quirrel joined in. yes..cute..

i have alot of homework. tests and quizzzes and cruff. ..oy.

but church tomorrow! what joys..

::quoth anna:: at 6:42 PM